Mamma's Journey

Media Monday- Media and my Marriage

2011-07-18T16:13:00.001-04:00

I remember years ago when my husband and I first got together. We barely had a cell phone between the two of us and no internet. The only media that got in our way was the TV in our living room and bedroom. And even then the TV in the living room wasn't hurting our marriage, at least I didn't think so. We did realize, though, that having media in our bedroom was not a good thing and we removed our TV. We got asked all the time how we could live without a TV in our room and to this day I tell people to just ask my husband how things have been since removing the TV from our bedroom. ;-)

Fast forward 8 years and 3 kids and a more stable financial life and you'll see much more media in our life. Between the internet, Netflix, 2 cell phones and 2 game systems (which I still feel is a type of media) we are on technology overload some days. What I do pride myself in is the fact that we don't have a smartphone, iPad, iPhone or even a laptop.

If you ask my husband he'll probably tell you that there are some days that he thinks I'm on the computer way too much and I'm sure it puts a strain on our marriage those days. So to help combat that I'm very proactive when he's home. I ask him if he minds if I go on the computer for a little bit to check my email. Then once I hear, "how much email do you have left?", I know I've been on too long and it's time to make my time about my husband not the computer screen.

I have to say though, the media hasn't been all bad to our relationship. It has helped in a lot of ways. It's helped me be a better wife by finding sites such as Women Living Well and Time-warp Wife. It's also helped me be a better mom by finding other blogs I enjoy reading and getting tips and encouragement from. Some of the best blogs I've found are on how to save money. The way I combat trying to read all the blogs is I have them sent to my email and when I have lots of great articles I want to read I save them in my email for days that my husband is at work and I have some free time in between taking care of 3 children. Another way technology has helped our marriage is it allows me to talk to my husband during times that I probably wouldn't be able to talk to him otherwise. My husband works in EMS so there is no "office" phone for me to call if I need him for something or if the kids would like to talk to him. So without our cell phones there would be days on end that we wouldn't talk him. The computer also allows me to talk to him through Facebook when he's able to get on the computer at work. Since my husband can work sometimes 48 hours in a row, the technology has been an invaluable asset to our marriage of allowing us to stay in contact even if its a quick I love you through text.

I will admit though some days its a real pain to hear the "ding" of our phones going off. Especially, my husbands phone because he gets contacted by his work through his phone. We do try really hard to make family time, family time and not even look at our phones. And if we do look at our phones its a quick look and it gets put away, but its hard some days. The one place I'm trying to get our cell phones away from is the dinner table. I don't want our kids to think our cell phones or what's on it is more important than talking to them. So there is a downfall to the technology and I think we try to work on it all the time but sometimes there are those days I would love to take my husband's cell phone and throw it out the window. But only having some days like that is better than every day. :-) Those reasons is largely in part why we do not have smartphones, iPads, or iPhones.

So all in all, I think we have our technology under control and right now its not hurting our marriage. It is a constant effort every single day for me to remember that I am human and I have human interactions that I need to worry about not keyboard interactions through a screen. Some days are easier than others, especially if its a hot day for great deals! :-) Do you think media helps or hurts your marriage?

Media Monday-Yes I know its Wednesday!

2011-07-13T14:50:00.001-04:00

Okay so the Media Monday post didn't happen until today and yes I know its Wednesday, but in my defense we were taking family days and had a little mini vacation learning about things around our area. It was quite fun and nice being unplugged for a few days.

So onto what was suppose to be posted on Monday. :-)

"Could our generation be missing out on time with the Great I AM because of the distractions from the iPads, iPods and iPhones?"

It's not so much my generation that I'm overly worried about. I think if we have already began our walk with God then its just a matter of learning the balancing act. The generation I'm worried about is the generation that is coming after me. The generation that may not have started their walk yet or is struggling with their walk. The generation after me has literally grown up with technology right at their fingertips. I can remember when there was no internet and to look something up you had to go to the library. I remember when there was no GPS and you had to know how to read a map in order to get to where you were going. I remember when going to church was where you learned about Jesus instead of catching it on TV or YouTube.

I think my generation finds it slightly easier to unplug then generations to come. Is the distraction there still? Yes. Do I find it easier then some people? Probably, and that's only because we choose NOT to have an iPad or an iPhone. Actually, we don't even own a smartphone- just a regular cell phone that can only make a phone call or text. The only internet we have is connected to our desktop computer- we don't even have a laptop.

My BIGGEST distraction when it comes to life is social media. I know, I know shame on me. BUT, its my connection to the world. Most days I'm at home by myself with 3 children and to be able to hop onto Facebook and see what other adults are up to or maybe even chat with some is my break. To read my email, is my brief escape from reality. And sometimes social media is an encouragement that what I'm doing is the right thing to do. I get my news from social media. I get my local happenings from social media. I get the greatest money saving deals from social media. For me, some days it's really hard to pull myself away because I'm afraid I'll miss the next best deal that could save my family even more money. I get frustrated when I notice that I'm 2 hours late for a freebie. I'm not sure that any of this has had any bad effects on my walk with God as I'm still able to pick up my Bible and I'm still able to pray when I feel the need to. Am I on the internet too much? If you ask my husband that question he'd probably say yes. Has it affected my relationship with God? I tend to think it hasn't since when I walk away from the internet, I'm able to walk away. I don't have an iPhone, iPad or laptop that can pull me back in. And frankly, I'd like to keep it that way.

For more on this topic or to see what other people think you can go to Women Living Well ministries where you'll find me and tons of other people trying to discover if social media and technology is affecting us in ways we never thought it would.

NEW Media Mondays!

2011-07-03T22:54:00.003-04:00

I've recently come across a very interesting question, "How is social media and this digital world of Ipads, Iphones and Ipods affecting our relationship with God, our marriages, our parenting, our homemaking, our friendships and our health?"

Come back in coming weeks starting next Monday to find out my thoughts as well as a link to other people's thoughts on this! Should be a very interesting couple of weeks! Please leave a comment below if you want in on the conversation! You can also find the button on my sidebar to take you to Women Living Well Ministries. :-)

This was started by one of my favorite blogs Women Living Well Ministries.

Some new things...

2011-06-22T17:20:00.001-04:00

Again, its been a while since I've posted anything but in the last few months let's just say blogging was truly the last thing on my mind. The last weeks of my pregnancy were a very painful one to say the least and of course along with that was end of the school year business.

Since then, we have added the newest and most precious gift from God to our family. Her name is Raelynn and we couldn't be more excited and more happy about finally having a baby girl. I look forward to all those mother/daughter things we will be able to do when she's older. I say look forward to but hopefully she stays little for a while. Let me just say how elated I am about having a baby in the house again and how now our family feels complete. I think she is the final piece to the little puzzle we call our family.

And with the new baby comes new challenges of how to get my older two to continue helping in the house without me having to tell them all the time of things that need to be done. And that's where my creativity has come back into play! I'm quite excited about being back on my feet and to not have that infamous "pregnancy brain" all the time. This is what I came up with...

I'm hoping this helps in the day to day chores the boys need to get done. Here's what I did...

I decided I wanted to do something to help the boys get their chores done without me having to hound them all the time. That's when I grabbed my camera. Since kids, mostly boys, are visual beings I decided to take pictures of their chores (i.e.laundry, toys, recycling, etc) and then I laminated them so they would hold up well to the wear and tear of every day life. Then I went to Walmart with the boys in tow and let them pick out their favorite color from a collection of colorful foam boards. They both agreed on red. (And for my favorite part of the project...) Then I turned on my Cricut machine and went to town making all the letters you see in the picture. I love my Cricut machine and this was just one more reason why! I made stickers out of the letters and stuck them to the board along with velcro squares I found at Big Lots. Voila! A daily chores board!

A little tidbit on the side, I also color coordinated the chores. Yellow borders means "this is your reminder" like getting dressed in the morning and brushing your teeth. Green borders means "this is your privilege to live here chore" like making their bed, cleaning up their toys, and putting their laundry away. Red borders means a paid chore. These are things like vacuuming, dusting, and watering mommy's plants. Things that are generally my responsibility. I made these paid chores so that when they see that red border its a surprise and they know they will get something out of it. I made the green bordered ones so that they understand that there are certain things they need to do just because they are a part of this family. My husband and I figure we don't get "paid" for everything it is that we do and we don't want our kids to think that they should either. We also don't want them to think that mommy will do absolutely everything for them and therefore raising a couple of very lazy boys. We do make the chores age appropriate and the velcro helps because there are certain chores that don't need done every day like the laundry. So I am able to pick their chores for the day every day, which also allows me to pick any paid chores for the day. It also helps the visual aspect because they get to remove the picture when they have finished that chore allowing them to see their own progress.

All in all this board has helped out tremendously with the boys and doing their chores and has cut down on me yelling at them to get them done over and over and over again. The cost break down of this project was very cheap- $3.00 for the laminate pouches, $4.00 for the velcro squares (2 packs), and $2.88 for the foam board. We'll see how long the board lasts as far as the boys following it but so far they love it!

And don't forget to hit up one of my favorite blogs Women Living Well! She is a great inspiration for us all!

A reapproach

2011-02-20T12:18:00.000-05:00

As the year moves on and the days pass and I'm feeling better of course the daily routine starts to come back. It's been a long 24 weeks and although I'm so excited about our little girl that is imminently on her way, I can't help but think about how hard its been. And mainly, how hard its been on the budget.

I strongly feel like we have not been the best stewards of the gifts we have been given. My husband has tried his best to make things work and although we aren't behind on our bills we are behind on our goals. Our budget has continued to fail us, or rather we have failed the budget. I make the budget and consistently every month I find myself changing the numbers to fit our spending. Totally wrong way of doing it. We are making our budget fit us instead of us fitting our budget. Now, we always pay our bills on time and are not behind on anything but all the extras keep sneaking up on us. Oops, I spent a little over our blow money- well, no big deal I'll just increase it and then it won't be in the red. Crap, I spent too much on junk food- oh well, I'll just increase the amount so we stay out of the red. We are again allowing our money to tell us what to do instead of us telling our money what to do.

So with the return of our tax return we put over half of it into savings, including some savings for Christmas. Now this in and of itself is a huge accomplishment. We have never put so much into savings! Wow, what a feeling of relief and security. To know that if something goes wrong or there is an emergency we could handle it. We also decided to pay ahead on our car insurance and pay off 2 credit cards. Again, wow, what an accomplishment. These things would typically just sit there and eat away at our budget every single month. And then the splurging reared its ugly head. Now granted some of the things we bought we were needing for the house to make it run more smoothly but really when it comes down to it, it was splurging. These things could have waited because really they are just things. (I think I may have just contradicted myself, lol)

I finally sat down with my husband and said this needs to stop. We need to get real. We continue to kid ourselves every single month. We need to understand and feel blessed for what we have. And lately, sadly, we haven't. Greed has allowed us to blow some of that money on essentially nothing. While the deep conversation had persisted with my husband, although most times one sided, we decided that enough was enough. We HAD to stop. So starting today, that's it. We are done splurging our money and taking much better care of it. It will not last forever and the Lord could potentially strip EVERYTHING away from us at ANY time. But my question is, why did it take until now? Why did it take a large sum of money to smack us in the face to realize what we were doing wrong? Is it a blessing in disguise? Is it a lesson that needed to be learned but took until now for us comprehend?

So just like human beings do, we evolve, and now so has our thinking towards money. We have even decided to forgo a vacation this year in an effort to save money. (Having a newborn helps with that too!) I have decided that since I am feeling better that doing more things from scratch including some very common things like butter and couponing need to be a priority again. My husband has stepped forward again as our penny pitcher so that to tell me no in times that I "so desperately need" something. We have decided that numbers are what they are and there should be absolutely no increasing them. We now have savings in order to help with emergency situations or things that come up that we weren't expecting. That's what having savings is all about. We are taking a re-approach to something that has always been. Mint.com has been a huge help but it has also been a huge damper. They just make it so darn easy to change the numbers! So I'm working on this and the impulse to just change the numbers. One thing my husband and I haven't approached again is the cash envelope system, but I'm sure it's coming.

Dave Ramsey always says, "Live like no one else, so later you can LIVE like no one else." It is our time to live.

It's been so long and now it's a new year!

2011-02-02T23:05:00.000-05:00

Wow, it's been so long since I've written anything! I'm surprised people are still interested! LOL My last entry to date was in September of last year and man has a lot happened since then.

In October we found out we were expecting our third child. How exciting right? To most it would except I became so sick with morning sickness some days I wondered if I would survive! My poor house fell apart and my poor husband had so much put on him to keep the household at least running. I finally made it to the doctor and was able to get some medication that would help with it but the morning sickness never actually went away until around Christmas. Thank goodness! We did have a wonderful holiday with wonderful family surrounding us. It was a lot of fun.

Which brings us to the new year. Is it really 2011? We had some wonderful news at the beginning of the year, we will be having a little girl come June! Now that's exciting and a great way to start the new year off!

So speaking of the new year (even though I know its February!), its that infamous time of year when people start to think about themselves and their lives and think about how to change them for the new year. I'm definitely one of those people. I think about my life- financially, spiritually, health, stability, everything. Now I'm not a resolution person. I don't think resolutions do anything for the psyche especially if don't happen to keep them. In fact, most people don't keep them and then have a feeling of failure. I don't like the feeling of failure. So here goes with my list of things I want to change or continue getting better at this year without actually making a resolution. These are more like ongoing goals.

Let's start with health since that's the most popular resolution. I want to get my family back to eating healthier. Unfortunately, while I was ill for all those weeks my family slipped from the healthy bandwagon and fell onto the processed foods bandwagon. I want to get my children eating healthier again. More fruits and definitely more vegeatables with less brown and beige on the plate. I love color and best place for it is on my plate! I also want to continue taking care of my body while I'm carrying this precious child. It has not been an easy road but when has something easy been worth it in the end? My goal for after the baby is to definitely drop all the baby weight. To get myself to a healthy weight again and maybe even better. I'm hoping the new workout games for the kinect will help with that and then I won't need to go to the gym.

Now the next most popular resolution- finances. Who doesn't want to get their finances in order? I think everyone who is concious about their spending wants to get it under control and maybe even get out of debt. Like most Americans we have debt. Although we don't have nearly as much debt as others we do have some and eats away at us every month. We want to get away from using a credit card and using more cash and that includes our debit card. Its just so darn easy to swipe that plastic and even my kids think its just that easy. They once told me when they wanted something that we could just swipe our card at the "EMT" (ATM) and it would give us money. They didn't even begin to understand that we have to put money in to get money out. All money is to them is plastic. So on top of getting ourselves financially fit, with help from Dave Ramsey, we hope to get our children financially smart. I want to make sure they don't grow up just thinking that money is some plastic. This is definitely not going to a feat well accomplished in a month or two.

My spiritual being needs to be looked at as well. I've always tried to be a spiritual person but I know I could do better. I need to finish reading the Bible which I started months and months ago. And although this is no excuse when I became ill with morning sickness it along with many other things got put to the side. So one of my goals is to finish it. I can only begin to understand my being when I have begun to understand the best Book in the world.

My home also needs a little mini makeover. The winter blahs can really affect someone's pysche. Now its not typically too hard to makeover something in one's home, the trick? Doing it on the frugal side which means cheap, free, or reusable. I have some thoughts on how to do this but we will see. I will post some pictures when I get it done.

And of course, there's always the question of stability. Everyone wants stability. Some of the goals I have for my family this year could bring stability but I think its more mental stability for myself that my house is able to get back on its feet after my weeks of illness. My biggest goal this year is to get my family back on track, get the routines back on track and most of all clear all the clutter! Hopefully this year will bring more blog posts too! :-) So here's a Happy New Year and since its February, Happy Valentine's Day!!

Happy Birthday to me!

2010-09-03T00:14:00.000-04:00

So as I write this my actual birth day is ending. It was a typical day in my household today except with a few extra cards and few extra phone calls. I don't typically think about my birthday too much but this year I've had some time to reflect in the now past year of my life.

I have officially been on this earth for 28 years. How amazing, 28 years. Two and three quarter decades. 336 months. 10, 220 days. 245, 280 hours. Makes you feel ancient when you think of it all that way! But age truly is just a number. Some days I feel a lot older and some days I feel younger.

In retrospect, this has probably been one of the best years I've had in a very long time. I've had some very exciting things happen this year and had some opportunity to watch my children hit some milestones. We hit some bumps on the road of life and have also had some very smooth sailing. Maybe even learned a thing or two. So I've decided to think of some things I've learned in the past 365 days of my life.

1. I've learned that every time you think your children won't surprise you, they do.

2. I've learned to be more grateful for the things that I don't have which in turn has allowed me to be content with the things I do have.

3. I've learned that not everyone will agree with the decisions we make for our family including other family members and that's okay.

4. I've learned that just because I think I can't be embarrassed by my children they do something else that does.

5. I've learned that I'm more old fashioned in my ways of thinking than I previously thought.

6. I've learned that just because something terrible happens doesn't mean it has to ruin the whole vacation.

7. I've learned that more square footage does require the same amount of cleaning, it just takes more time.

8. I've learned that I'm more OCD than I previously thought and my husband still loves me for it.

9. I've finally learned how to budget money correctly to still have money left at the end of the month.

10. And the last thing I've learned this year is that the love for my family has grown stronger and I couldn't be happier in the decision we made for me to stay home. It's an amazing feeling when you finally feel you are where you were always meant to be and doing what you were created to do.

So there's my top 10. I know I've learned many more things in the past year of my life and although some of these things are simple life lessons they are lessons that I've either learned for the first time or finally was able to apply correctly to my life and to the lives of those around me. I've become a better cook, a better home manager, a better wife and finally a better mom. So bring it on age 28, I'm ready to tackle you!

Spoil Your Husband

2010-07-20T23:07:00.000-04:00

So this week's challenge from Courtney at Women Living Well is to spoil our husbands. Although I try to do this all the time its not always by food. Here's my problem this week. My husband works very long hours because he works in EMS; which, usually entails 16 hour shifts. For example, my husband works today until 10 PM and then goes back to work at midnight until 8 AM. So to make him something or his favorite meal can prove difficult. Now in a normal week he would be home 2-3 days out of it, here's the problem with this week- we are going on vacation on Thursday and Wednesday we have a birthday party to go to that is serving dinner. See my problem??

So here is my plan: I will make his favorite kind of cookies (if I have the oatmeal) and then make him something for breakfast in the morning. Then I will just try to be extra nice and complimentary of my husband for the rest of the week. Spoiling fortunately, doesn't always have to entail food!

This is actually, probably the shortest entry I've ever had on my blog! Guess short and sweet isn't always a bad thing! ;-)

Blog Hop- Saturday!

2010-07-17T15:48:00.000-04:00

Ok so again, I'm a little late with this Blog Hop, but better late then never. Thank you for coming here and reading what I have to say and appreciate my words. Here you will find my journey (although not daily) on being a mom and some of the tribulations I go through trying to keep true to myself and being the best wife and mother I can be. You may find some interesting insight in the Lord from me and how the Word has spoken to me. Be inspired and remember your road on the journey called Life is never alone! If you leave a link to your blog I will be happy to follow you in return! Thanks for stopping by!!

(The picture above is from the ladies blogs who are hosting the blog hop. Be sure to follow them as well!!)

Completing Him Challenge: Communicating with him

2010-07-13T00:20:00.000-04:00

So I've been boiling over this for a while now and not that I don't know how to approach my husband about this, I'm just not sure how to put into words what I mean to convey. In essence, you never really know what someone will say so its slightly intimidating to get their opinion. I mean in some instances you are almost asking for a report card! Everyone should remember what that's like! You get the card in your hand and you're so antsy to see your grades but yet intimidated by what you may find.

This was my grading time. Would I pass the way I thought I would? Were my views of what's important the same as my husbands like I've always thought they were? Or did I fail miserably taking into consideration only what I felt was important.

Well let's just say I didn't exactly fail, but it wasn't flying colors either.

Most of us forget in the daily grind about our spouse. Some of us even forget to say, "Good morning, honny. How was your night?" There is one song that comes to mind when I think about this simple morning phrase and that's Good Morning, Beautiful by Steve Holly. The simple melody is so catchy yet such a good reminder that he appreciates his wife and remembers to say good morning to her. (slightly off subject but it is a great song!)

Don't us wives also forget the simple communication with our husbands at times? Isn't that how we lose what's important to them in the first place? Proverbs 10:8 says, the wise in heart accept commands, but a chattering fool comes to ruin. Don't we wives ruin ourselves to our own chatter. I know sometimes I do. There are times when my husband attempts to talk to me and I'm just chattering away with no care as to what he has to say or what he is thinking. That's how we lose what their priorities are. We as wives forget that we sometimes can become that fool and begin to think we know what's important to everyone else and our ruin is the communication that we lose in our marriage. This was the challenge Courtney at Women Living Well has given us for this week. In the busyness of our day, we need to remember who is important and open that communication back up again. With that communication opened up again, our time management falls into place. You have to have the communication open to find out what's important to your husband, then and only then can you really work on your time management. Courtney was trying to get us to remember our time management of being a busy mom but when I read this, communication is what jumped out at me and sent me to my Bible. Was the Lord trying to tell me specifically something? Maybe, and that's what I'm trying to convey here.

Continuing on with the challenge that Courtney set forth, I did talk to my husband. He was quite surprised honestly, that I was asking him for his priority list for a day. He didn't quite understand at first and gave me a list of things he appreciates that I do. I quickly had to try and refocus him to think about himself. To think about if there was something I was putting first that he would have rather seen me place somewhere else on my priority list. I was surprised by some of his answers!

1. Above everything else he wants me to place saving money at the top of the list. Sometimes I'm really good about this and sometimes I'm not. I'm working on being a better steward of the gifts He has provided.

2. Sex. Isn't this on every mans priority list? I mean, really. But seriously, don't we forget how important this is to our husbands? I know sometimes I do.

3. A clean house. I was quite happy to hear that this even made it to his priority list considering its at the top of mine. At least I know how important it is for my husband to have a clean home compared to other things.

4. Clean laundry. I'll admit there are times when I let the laundry pile up. But in my defense I swear it multiplies when I'm not looking! ;-)

5. Spending time with him and the kids. Again higher on the priority list than I anticipated. Not that I ever put my family last but there are some times I let other things get in the way of spending good quality time with my husband and children. You would think this would be top priority for me considering my husband works all kinds of weird hours, but sadly sometimes it isn't.

6. Cuddle time. By this I know my hubby is referring to my computer time. Again, in my defense I do a lot of survey sites to try and bring in a few extra dollars. ;-) Although, in the back of my mind I know I could do better at this.

So as you can see, I didn't fail miserably but I didn't pass with flying colors either. I'm going to try harder this week to keep my chatter at a minimum and remember to TALK to my husband about his priorities for the day and mesh mine with his in a nice compromise. Maybe next time report cards are due, mine will have better grades!

My new love of cloth napkins

2010-07-10T15:39:00.000-04:00

What is is about cloth napkins that gives a grandiose feeling to everything? What happen to the simplicity of dinner with a cloth napkin. There is a sense of expensiveness with 2 forks, 2 spoons and a dessert fork attached to dinners with cloth napkins.

And although cloth napkins give you a sense of being proper and mannerly I love having cloth napkins at a dinner table. I love how nice a newly set table with freshly pressed cloth napkins looks. It gives me a sense of pride as a homemaker and as a mom to have them sitting at the table. Call me old fashioned, but it just looks pretty.

Then there is the practical side of using cloth napkins. Has anyone ever thought about the price paper napkins will cost you over the course of a year. Say you go through paper napkins like we do and use about a pack every week and a half or so. Cheap cloth napkins cost roughly around $3, so that means $3 every 2 weeks. Which equals a whopping $78 per year. Now that doesn't seem like much in the grand scheme of things but what about the landfills that now have to carry that extra trash and the ground that has to break that down. It takes a few weeks for that to happen. Now think about my investment of $2 for 6 cloth napkins that will last at least a year (maybe more) if taken care of properly. I have now saved myself something like $76.

I know some people are saying, "yeah but you haven't taken into consideration to wash them". And I say to you, I'm doing laundry every day anyway so why can't I throw them in the wash every day?

This decision also comes during a time that we are trying to be good stewards of the gifts the Lord has provided us which in some aspects just plainly means to save money. If I can save my family just $3 over the period of a week or two than I'm doing my job as a homemaker. Isn't it in my job description to save as much of what my husband works so hard for? Yes, I think so. Some may look at it and say it's only $3 but I look at it saying, "that's another $3 saved".

And what about the convenience? Some say its convenient just to grab them and then throw them away. But what about true convenience of never having to remember to buy them? What have you used when you have run out of paper napkins? A paper towel? Ok, granted but if your house is anything like ours we always seemed to run out of both at the same time so we were left with nothing to wipe our mouths. I have in the past always grabbed a hand towel and threw it on the table. Then I thought, how lazy of myself to not take heed to how the table looks for my family when I present dinner to them. Again, call me old fashioned but that's okay.

Completing Him Challenge: Admire your Husband

2010-07-05T17:21:00.000-04:00

So continuing on my journey and summer challenge to make myself a better wife to my husband comes this weeks challenge from Courtney at Women Living Well- admire your husband. I know I could do a better job at this at times and usually my most stressful times is when I don't admire my husband. The ironic thing? My most stressful times is usually when my husband is at his best!

So here's my list!
1) He's humorous. He makes me laugh almost every single day. I will admit there are times when I become annoyed with his humor because it seems he does it at the most inopportune times but that's my husband.

2) He's my rock. We have known each other for so many years and he's always been the one I've fallen back on. He's the solid foundation in my life and even when my life seemed so rocky and unbalanced before we were married he always managed to help me stand. Now that we are married (and have been happily for almost 6 years), he's even more so my rock.

3) He's my knight in shining armor riding in on his white stallion. I know this man will and would slay dragons for me if I asked him to. He always comes to my rescue even when I don't think I need it.

4) He's the night to my day. If you were to ask anyone about my husband and I, they would tell you that we are total opposites. I'm very loud and sociable and get my point across, he is very quiet and passive and lets things roll off his back. Due to his nature he grounds my personality and helps to keep me grounded.

5) He's a wonderful provider. My husband works VERY hard to make sure I can stay home with our children to raise them properly and he never lets anyone tell him otherwise. Even when they don't agree with how we live. (Not that we live badly, its just that its looked down upon for a mom to stay home with her children)

6) He's extremely thoughtful. Just this morning I woke up to Black Eyed Susans in a vase on my counter, waiting for me to see. My husband stopped after he got out of work this morning and picked them for me before he came home, knowing they would make me smile. The simplest gestures are what my husband does best!

7) He's a very caring and compassionate individual. I say that not only in our marriage but in his work. He is an EMT and can potentially deal with some of the worst situations and he always manages to put the patient first and get them to calm down. He does the same in our marriage- when I'm freaking out he's compassionate enough to know that it's something that really bothers me and he cares enough to just be there even if deep down he thinks I'm freaking out over nothing.

8) He's an amazing father. My husband works very long hours sometimes and will not see the children for a few days but, when he is home he makes the absolute most of it. The boys absolutely adore their father and I couldn't ask for a better man to be the father of my kids.

I'm sure I could go on and on about my husband and all of his great qualities but I don't want this to be pages and pages long. I, myself, am going to extend this challenge and attempt to admire my husband every day, verbally. I know I don't do this enough and although I know he will read this blog because he subscribes by email, its not enough. I love my husband for everything he is, everything he tries to be and everything he wants to be. I honestly could not ask for a better man for a husband or father. I love you, hunny!!

Challenge Week 3- Pray for your husband

2010-06-28T18:43:00.000-04:00

Colossions 4:2
Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.

The main challenge is to pray for our husbands this week. And there are so many things we can pray about for our husbands. I will admit, I've been selfish in many ways. I pray. And I pray pretty often and usually late at night while I'm lying in bed. What do I pray about? Myself, my children, friends, family. Hardly ever for my husband. Hardly ever for the man that so dutifully goes to work every day to support his family. Why is it that I pray for the Lord to give ME strength. And to give ME wisdom. To give ME motivation to get through my day. To give ME patience. Yet I never take the 30 seconds to pray for my husband. Shame on me!

This week I will pray for my husband. And these will be the things I pray for him about (list provided by Courtney here):
1. His Wife
2. His work
3. His finances
4. His sexuality
5. His affections
6. His temptations
7. His mind
8. His fears
9. His purpose
10. His choices
11. His health
12. His protection
13. His trials
14. His integrity
15. His reputation
16. His priorites
17. His relationships
18. His fatherhood
19. His past
20. His attitude
21. His marriage
22. His emotions
23. His walk
24. His talk
25. His repentance
26. His deliverance
27. His obedience
28. His self-image
29. His faith
30. His future

Although a lot of these things could pertain to the both of us- particularly the finances, the future, our marriage- to name a few. Courtney also made a suggestion for a trigger to help you to remember to pray for your husband. She used her wedding band as an example. Your wedding band is an amazing symbol and a wonderful memory trigger. I'll admit, I don't always think about my rings. I wear them every where and all the time that I just don't think about it. I do however think about my husband when I see an ambulance. See, he's an EMT and drives the ambulances for a living so when I see one I automatically think of him. This week, especially, I will take that thought and turn it into a time that I can pray for my husband on so many levels.

James 5:17 says "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

October 9, 2004- When two became one

2010-06-25T15:00:00.000-04:00

So once again I'm a week behind in this challenge but in my defense I was on vacation the first half of the week and the second half of the week I've spent unpacking! So at any rate, the next challenge is to remember the day we married and became of one flesh.

Our vows were pretty unique as we didn't go with the typical vows. Our vows went something like this:

I take you, ______ to be my friend,

My soulmate and wife/husband,

And these things I promise you:

I will be faithful to you.

I will be honest with you.

I will respect and trust you.

I will help and care for you.

I will share my life with you.

I will forgive you

as we have been forgiven;

And I will try with you

to better understand ourselves,

the world and God

Through the best and the worst

Of what is to come

Until death parts us.

If you notice, no where in the vows does it say to "obey". Of course that was before I knew anything about what the biblical sense of word meant. I looked at the word "obey" for what the webster dictionary states the definition is. Now I know better!

This is our wedding story!

Our day was a very hot day in October (I think it was around 75 degrees) and for me started off VERY early in the morning. I think I woke up around 4:30 AM to get heading over to my Aunt's house to start with everyone's hair. Thank goodness for good coffee and adrenaline! My husband on the other hand luckily got to sleep in but not very much because after all he did have our 1 year old son to tend to! The day itself couldn't have gone any more perfect until we started with our vows.

Our Pastor started to say our vows to which we had to repeat them which prevented us from having to memorize them and still I forgot what she said! I managed to fumble my way through the one line but it was still quite funny. I tried to hide my mistake but it didn't work. It was loud and clear on our wedding video!

After that the day continued as planned. The most ironic thing that happened that day was that we had most of our wedding pictures taken in a cemetery. It was quite purposeful because they had some of the most beautiful spots to get pictures done and in the pictures you really can't tell because all of the headstones are ground level. My husband joked though and so did almost our entire wedding party about the fact that we just got married and our pictures were being done in a cemetery!

The evening continued as planned and we had a wonderful dinner with a wonderful night of dancing, laughing, and celebrating. We had so much fun that even the wait staff said it was one of the best weddings any of them had the pleasure of doing!

We were so busy having fun and dancing that when we finally did cut the cake and after we smashed in each other's face we only got a bite of it and it was the bite we fed each other!

It has all worked out for the best regardless of where we had our wedding pictures taken and we had our entire family there for support. It was one of the best days of my life and although it has taken me a few years to learn the meaning of submission and how to "obey" my husband, I dutifully work on my marriage every single day. I was created to be my husband's helpmeet. And maybe someday I'll even get a honeymoon!

Completing Him Challenge: Week 2

2010-06-16T11:00:00.001-04:00

So as I announced last week I have taken on a challenge to make myself a better wife. I'm a little late with my post as I should have done this a few days ago but alas, better late than never.

We were asked to go back to our dating days and think about how we had captivated our husbands so very long ago and how we will captivate our husbands again. So here is our dating story.

Our story is a long twisted one that has many great twists and turns. We actually met when I was dating his best friend back in high school. Every time I was over visiting my boyfriend, he would show up and we would sit on the porch for what seemed like hours just talking and enjoying each others company. Little did we know then that we would be married one day.

When I left for college, my boyfriend had no way of coming to see me on campus so he would drive him up to see me. What I know now is that he was doing it on purpose just so he could see me. There were even a few weekends he came up out of no where just to see me even after my boyfriend and I had broke up. We unfortunately lost touch when I married my ex-husband. I stopped my continuing education and moved. I struggled for over a year with a bad marriage and out of no where he showed up again but this time it was on my computer. He found me through AIM and we started to email each other. Nothing much just "hey how ya doin" type emails since I was after all married. I then moved back to the area because I was starting nursing school and my marriage really began to go south as that's when my ex had cheated on me. Almost like a knight in shining armor, he came to me and made me realize that the way I was living was no way to live. So I left my adulterer husband and moved back home. We spent almost every waking moment together after that and he even helped pay for my lawyer to get away from my ex-husband. He was my best friend and I hardly knew it.

Before we found the Lord together we lived together and had a beautiful son before we got married, knowing in our hearts and minds that we were already married. Its a sorted past and one without the Lord but we know we will be together forever and that God had a plan for us before we even knew what that plan was. I love my husband and I don't know what I would do without him. He's my rock and protector. He's loved me even through all my imperfections. We used to write letters to each other when we were apart and then leave them behind when we would leave each others embrace. My challenge is to get back to the secret letter writing to let my husband know how much I love and appreciate him. (Even though I know he will read this blog) :)

Completing Him Challenge

2010-06-08T11:13:00.000-04:00

So as the summer begins generally what happens is you lose yourself in summer activites and vacations and sometimes your husband gets put on the back burner. Generally, this is what happens in our house. I just get too busy to really pay attention to my husband the way that I should, the way a Titus woman would. So this summer I've decided to take the challenge and become a better wife to my husband. The wife that God intended for me to be.

Money woes or Money wows?

2010-05-29T23:34:00.000-04:00

So as most of you know my husband and I with our two wonderful boys moved into a larger apartment. With the larger apartment of course comes a larger price tag per month. Now granted we are renting but when you need a bigger place, you need a bigger place! We went from a 2 bedroom to a 3 bedroom and honestly couldn't be happier where we are, even if it does have a larger price tag attached.

So in having a larger price tag of course we had to redo the budget. The budget that has been long set for over a year now with the lower rent. Funny, we moved into a bigger place but all of our other bills stayed the same except rent. Hmmm, fancy that! Anyway, back on subject, the budget. We used to have lots of money leftover at the end of every month.

Then we bought a van. Although a much needed van, we bought a van. So there went some of our extra money. Now you would think, normal people would be putting their extra money into the bank for savings or something, right? Well, we must not be normal because we were NOT being good stewards of our money at all. Half the time we couldn't even tell you where the money was going, we just knew we didn't have any!

So we adjusted the budget again for the van payment. No big deal. Then the bigger apartment just kind of fell into our laps. Wow, could we do this? Was it worth living paycheck to paycheck again to be in a bigger place? In our hearts and mind we both thought, yes! Of course it would be worth it and of course we could do it! So we moved.

Now we are here and I'm left to redoing the budget, again. Again, fiddling with the numbers to get them just right. Again, with trying to figure out the lowest income possible and still have food on the table, bills paid, and gas in the car. Stressful? Actually, not really. I enjoy messing with numbers which is funny because I never did well in the math area in school. But at any rate, I finally figured it out. Along with all of our debt. Ugh, debt. I hate that word!

I hate knowing that I owe something to someone with high interest. I hate knowing that if I don't pay them they can take my car or garnish wages. Mainly, vehicle debt and school loan debt. Both of which take forever to pay off and always have enough interest tacked on over the period of the loan so you pay back the original you borrowed and a half (if not more).

This is when I started to get serious about our debt. I'm tired of looking at it every month, I'm tired of having to write a check out every month. So my husband and I have decided we're done with debt. Period.

But not such an easy task to just be done with it. We decided to get some help. We've been looking into Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University series but its just out of our price range right now. Well luckily we have been blessed by a Facebook friend that was rummaging through her house and wanted to get rid of some of her stuff and graciously sent some of his CD's and one of his books to me free. That was beginning.

I started to read and we started to watch. And actually you would be surprised at what you can find on YouTube. And finally after a week or so of reading when I had the opportunity I finally made it to baby step #1 in his series. Get $1000 cash saved up fast! Like yesterday, fast. So I sat down and redid my budget again and decided that this piece of paper was now going to rule my money and that I needed to get the $1000 saved up fast. We actually have some in the bank so we are hoping to have this tackled in a month and then we will move on to the real reason I started this- baby step #2- stomping out our debt. I can't wait for that freedom!

WARNING- rant ahead, don't read if you are faint at heart or easily offended.

2010-05-23T00:18:00.000-04:00

This post is coming at you from late at night and I'm somewhat tired after a long day. I'm going to warn whoever has the guts to read this that this is more of a rant than anything. About what? About sticking your toddler in preschool at the ripe old age of 2! Yes, 2.

First, let me preface all of this by stating that whatever a parent decides to do for their child is completely up to them and at their own discretion. I do not discredit any parent for making the choices they do with their children if they have their children's well being in mind. So with that said, I've seen 3 year olds in preschool who do exceptionally well and blossom more than they ever would at home.

Now on to my rant...

How can any parent rightfully say that putting a 2 year old in "preschool" is actually putting them in preschool? Isn't that just an over glorified daycare? Most children are barely potty trained by this time and they are suppose to sit in a structured school environment? Why, so the parents don't feel guilty for going to work? So they have an excuse that their children are in "school"? To you parents out there that are like this I say to you, how pathetic.

How pathetic of you to use "school" as an excuse for daycare. How pathetic of a parent you are to place your child at such a young age in an environment where all they really want is mommy. How LAZY of you to put your responsibility of a parent onto a "teacher", if you can even call them that. Now I will say that I understand that there are circumstances that force parents into these situations- i.e. single parents, sick spouse, etc. BUT to just stick your BABY into school because you think they need socialization is just a pathetic excuse.

Those that use socialization as an excuse for their stupidity- do you even know the definition? Well here ya go, let me spell it out for you-The process of learning interpersonal and interactional skills that are in conformity with the values of one's society. So you want to conform your child to utter chaos and disorganization? You want to conform your child to act out so they stick out in a crowd? You want to conform your child to understand the cliches of groups and popularity at the age of 2?!?! How absurd is that?!

What happen to socializing your child at home? What happen to actually interacting with your child. Here's a concept for all you parents out there, play with your children on the floor! WOW, there's quite the concept there. But I can hear the arguments now, I'm too busy to play, they have their friends at school to play, I don't know how to play. Well to all those arguments I say- don't have children then.

Children learn what they are shown so in my opinion sticking a child in "preschool" at the age of 2 is a form of abuse. How? Because you force them to "deal" with separation from a parent. You force them into unfamiliar situations that only stresses them out. It has been shown that children as young as 5 have depression. Now I bet that 5 year old was forced to be in situations they didn't know how to handle like "preschool".

We bitch about how our society is turning out and we blame the next generation. But what we fail to realize is that WE are the ones that raised that generation. You can blame it on their friends, you can blame it on video games or the music they listen to but I bet the real problem lies in the fact that these kids were "day care" kids or children of parents who put their children in "preschool" at the age of 2! Wake up people! Our society is the way that it is because you raised us to be this way! You put those morals and values in us. I'm not blaming my parents for the decisions I make as an adult, what I am saying is what child walks away from daycare with any type of values or morals? Any type of responsibility? They don't. They are more than likely lazy, entitled and spoiled. A child needs the love and support and nurturing from a PARENT, not from a caregiver, day care worker or "teacher".

Call it what you will, but I will tell you my kids were not brought up in daycare and I get more compliments on how nice my boys are and how smart they are compared to others I know that were raised in daycare. I've even had those same people ask me why their children aren't like that. And you know what I tell them? Quit your job and do what you are suppose to do- raise your own children. Quit being selfish people and raise the children you were so desperate to have, yourself. Oh and by the way, I challenge my 3 year old to anyone else's 3 year old and I bet he speaks better, knows more and is way more polite than any one else's 3 year old that comes out of daycare or "preschool". And I taught him myself, believe it or not and I don't even have a college degree! Fancy that.

The P&P Adventures: Potty Training Week One

2010-05-06T15:04:00.000-04:00

So the adventure begins with a very strong minded and stubborn 3 year old in a place that everyone knows as the Bathroom with the hottest seat in the house, the Porcelain Thrown!

"NO!" screams the ever so stubborn 3 year old.

"Big boys use the toilet!" screams the ever so tired mamma.

And that's where the real story begins. My 3 year old so wants to be the big boy in the house just like his older brother but didn't for the longest time want anything to do with the toilet or using it. The above argument was all too familiar in the Fletcher household for a few months now. Then out of the blue a few days ago he decided he had to pee! My first thought was, "Yeah ok, here we go again."

So I eluded to his requests to sit on the toilet and took his diaper off. To my surprise he actually did go to the bathroom! I started screaming and hollering and clapping and he literally looked at me like I was a monster with 6 heads! He didn't know what to make of his Mamma's crazy little potty dance. He quietly got off the toilet and proceeded to get into the tub for his bath time never saying a word. So after we made the big deal I figured well that was it he won't do it again.

Until the next night came. I proceeded to tell him that he needed to go use the potty before I put a clean diaper on him for bed. We walked straight into the bathroom, he sat down on the potty and voila! He peed again! I was astonished and almost dumbfounded at the same time. I thought to myself maybe this is it! Maybe, just maybe, he's ready to be potty trained?! I thought, we'll try it one more night and see what happens.

And guess what? He went again the next night before his bath! Okay, now I'm on board. Now I know that there is no turning back. Three nights in a row he has gone to the bathroom and tonight will make number four. So now to come up with a plan. If no one has ever come up with a potty training plan, I would recommend starting one. I didn't do a plan with my oldest son and now looking back I wish I would have.

For those that know me really well, another list ensues! My husband of course "loves" my lists and usually thinks I'm crazy but they work! My "list" for this one is simple- a calendar. This first week, since we already have 3 days down, I will let him go every night before bed. Let him really get used to the fact of going to the bathroom. Then I will take him to the DG and let him pick something out for less than a dollar. Next week, I will add going to the bathroom in the morning and in the evening. Again, at the end of the week taking him to DG to get something for less than a dollar as long as he meets his goal. After that we will work on during the day and so on and so forth. Our eventual goal is to go to Sesame Place in June with no diapers in our luggage! That is over a month away and I'm thinking with his determination of going to the store at the end of each week that he will be trained by the end of May! Here's to hopin' right?

(And for those that couldn't figure out the title, its literal meaning is "The Pee & Poop Adventures: Potty Training Week One")

He works in mysterious ways!

2010-04-26T23:20:00.000-04:00

It has certainly been awhile since I've been on this side of the blogosphere, I'm usually at my sister blog. I guess you could say I have had some blogger burnout! So anyway...

Today has been an interesting day. It started off like any other day, well almost. We started the day with all of us getting up late, by an hour. Zaine was really good about it though and he got up and had some breakfast and got ready for school. Around 9:45 AM he was off to school. He told me this afternoon that all he missed was morning work, so that was a good thing.

Then our day began. We gathered ourselves together, gathered the coupons and shopping list and got out the door to Altoona. Never even gave the day a second thought.

Now mind you, my husband and I have been not actively searching but at the very least searching for a three bedroom apartment. Our small family is just slowly outgrowing this tiny apartment. You get 10 people in this place and it feels like you are in a sardine can! So we look at the paper every week in hopes to find a 3 bedroom home or apartment go up for rent for a decent price. So far as our luck would have all the 3 bedrooms that would go in the paper were all too much with nothing included. Some people would mock that and say, "with nothing included? well what did you expect?" Well to put it frankly, a lot! We are paying a landlord to live in their property and we've gone the route of paying for everything and with the way heat is right now, its just way too expensive. Unfortunately in Pennsylvania there must have been a gas boom at some point because every single house around has gas everything in it. Now to put it nicely, I loathe gas anything let alone have it be connected to everything in my home. I don't trust it, I don't like, I hate cooking with it. Not to mention when I'm in a home that has gas I swear I can smell it everywhere I go! Maybe its all in my head but still.

So anyway, a few years back my husband and I attempted to rent a house that did not include anything and at the time it seemed like a really good idea! I mean it was 3 bedrooms, it was a whole house, it had a yard. What could go wrong? Everything went wrong in that house! And at the time I was still working! We were in some very rough times. Our faith was on the shaky end, our friends were very shady types of people and I was dealing with a newborn. It was a horrible time in our life. I was so happy to see that year come and go as quickly as it did! After that, we decided we were not ready to have a home that didn't include anything in the rent. So we were on the search and that's when we found our current home.

We have lived happily in this home for almost 2 years and its been a very happy two years but we are outgrowing this home, or at least this particular apartment. The boys are getting older and they are just constantly on top of each other, I'm cooking a lot more and there is just no room in our kitchen. I think we have 2 feet worth of counter space.

So enough of the back story, we have been searching for a few months now for a bigger place. My husband and I were having a normal day grocery shopping with our youngest son and when we come home there was no sign out front of the apartment. We were home for maybe 30 minutes and when I left to go get my oldest son from school, there it was! A "For Rent" sign outside of the apartment building we live in. So I called my husband and told him to call our current landlord and find out exactly what apartment is opening up or is opened up. Now remember, just a few days ago I was telling my husband if another apartment opened up in this building we should probably really look into it or take it. So I call him about 15 minutes later and he tells me its a "possible" 3 bedroom but I won't like the price. What do you mean a "possible" three bedroom?

So I told him, just tell me! He tells me we could go look at it and its a couple hundred more than we currently pay but what's included doesn't change. So I told him, we'll go look at it to determine if it will do us any good. With that "possible" third bedroom I wanted to see for myself what exactly she meant. So I get home from Walmart and we go up to look at it.

It was absolutely beautiful inside! And the "third" bedroom could definitely be a bedroom, there is just no closet. The kicker of the whole thing? The woman that just moved out has been there for 12 years! 12 YEARS!!! I was knocked over in my tracks when looking at this apartment. It doesn't even feel like an apartment, it feels more like a townhouse!

We have been praying that something would come along and be everything we want and everything we need. I think we've found it and who would have thought that someone who has lived in the building for 12 years would just all of a sudden move out! He definitely works in mysterious ways and if you are patient enough, He will show you where He wants you to be! So now, to start packing! Oh and did I mention, it has its own washer and dryer? Yeah, no more quarter operated laundry!

Life

2010-03-27T21:06:00.004-04:00

Well I think its been a while since I posted something last. Its been pretty busy around here with it getting nicer out.

First off, its been almost 2 months since I quit smoking and over $200 later, I'm still going strong and feeling better than ever! Although, since quitting I've been having asthma type symptoms that will just pop up out of no where. Not sure about that but if it persists I may need to go see a doctor. Speaking of doctors, I think I may have finally found affordable health insurance for myself that isn't costing me an arm and a leg. I'm just waiting to hear back if I was accepted or not. If I am accepted it will finally give my husband and family peace of mind that I have insurance.

Couldn't come at a better time too considering I severely burned my hand last week and had to make a trip to the ER. So not looking forward to that bill coming in! But I will say the hospital I went to wasn't too bad in taking me back and was very kind and helpful. They even gave me happy pills for the pain! LOL And pain I was in, boy oh boy! Labor wasn't as bad as that pain was!! It literally put me to my knees and took my breath away when I did it! It absolutely terrified my children as well since they very rarely see me cry. Not that I don't cry in front of them but it typically will take a lot, I'm not a cryer.

Life in general is passing by as usual otherwise. My son's 3rd birthday has just passed and although this Mamma was sad it is part of growing up. I can't believe my baby is three already but he's such a big boy! We had a Mickey Mouse themed party and thankfully my husband was able to join us. As most people know, my husband works EMS and it is sometimes difficult for us to plan things around his schedule but this time it worked out! We are very thankful for that!

Speaking of that, I don't think people really realize what its like being the wife of an EMT. It is a hard life and a sometimes dissappointing life to live. The hours worked are long and sometimes you feel like a single parent. When they finally get that one day off you feel like there is so much you want or need to do together as a family and there is just never enough time to do it in. It's hard. It's up to me every night to get the kids dinner, do homework, get the dishes done, get the kids bathed and in bed and still manage to stay awake for him to get home. Its hard getting up every morning and him already be gone and to have to get the kids ready for the day, make breakfast and get out the door on time. Until there is a routine. Ahhh, the mighty routine. So nice till your hubby gets a day off and throws your routine off whack! LOL

Lots of nights, you feel lonely, unappreciated, and over worked. But that's not to say that the one you love isn't feeling the same while sitting in a station watching TV waiting for the next call to go out. Its a hard knock life but we wouldn't have it any other way!

On a side note, we have started our garden! We are so totally excited to have gotten this far already! Normally, the end of May rolls around and we look at each other and say, "so what are we planting this year hon?" But not this year!! We have it tilled up and mushroom manure thrown in and now we just need to get some lime, till it in and then get our onions in the ground. I think next week they need to be in! On our garden list this year is: potatoes, onions, carrots, green beans, cauliflower, brocolli, tomatoes, strawberries, blueberries, and peppers. All of these can either be canned or frozen for the year. We are super excited about it too!

So as life moves on and it progressively gets warmer and stays beautiful out, spring will continue into summer and as so my life will continue on Mamma's Journey.

Fess Up Friday- Pajama Mamma

2010-03-05T12:07:00.004-05:00

Wow is it that time again for Fess Up Friday!? That week passed me by entirely too fast! So of course Kendra over at New Life on a Homestead has given us our "assignment" for truth this week. And a drum roll please..........Are you a pajama mamma?

I have to admit as much as it kills me, sometimes yes I am. I can very much be a pajama mamma! I hate it about myself but I get lazy. If I didn't sleep well the night before or if I'm just having a lazy day I tend not to get dressed at all. Its so sad because my husband will go to work in the morning and see me in one thing and when he comes home he sees me in the same thing! I know, I know so sexy right?!

I will say though that I NEVER go anywhere in my pjs! Not even to take my son to school which is only dropping him off and I don't even need to get out of the van. It drives me absolutely insane to not get dressed and walk out my front door. I don't think I could even go to the ER without at least throwing on a pair of jeans! I can't stand seeing women and girls walking around the store or in a restaurant with their pajamas on, its so sloppy and disgusting!

As far as it goes, I don't typically get a lot of company without ahead notice so I don't worry about it too much. So yes, I am a pajama mamma!

1 MONTH Smoke Free!

2010-02-27T21:10:00.003-05:00

Wow, a month smoke free! It just doesn't even seem like its been that long! This last month literally has just flown by! So actually it's been just over a month smoke free but hey who's counting right?!

This month has not come without its trials and tribulations that have tested my patience and will power to quit. Many a times I have caught myself getting short tempered or feeling like I need a cigarette but I've fought off the temptation. It's been hard but soooo rewarding! I don't smell like cigarettes anymore and my kids have quit asking if I'm going to smoke when we stop somewhere. They got so used to sitting in the car for an additional 5-10 minutes so I could have a cigarette before going into the store or into the house. They've quit asking! My clothes smell better and I've actually quit making my coffee so sweet! I don't like it too sweet now!

My attitude is slowly but surely getting better as time goes on and I'm learning to deal with the kids differently. It used to be that I would get so frustrated with them that I would go down for a cigarette before dealing with them again just to calm down. I've learned I can't do that and the kids are responding to my change in discipline wonderfully well!

In the trials of the month my husband decided to quit smoking as well so it has been a little tough on our relationship. We've fought a little more and became a little more irritated with each other- ok me more than him- but I'm hoping with more time that will eventually get better too.

The money we have saved is unbelievable! I'm slowly putting it away to help fund out Sesame Place trip this summer and I already have over $100 saved! That was $100 that USED to go towards buying cigarettes! It's so nice to know now that its going towards something so much better and something that the family will absolutely LOVE! I'm not just burning it away. I was better off taking a $5 bill and burning it on the ground when I was smoking because that's pretty much what I was doing!

We are still eating healthy and enjoying our new lifestyle. We do have some times that we still eat very badly but we are trying to curb that by only treating ourselves to it every once in awhile. I've lost a total of 6 pounds so far since I quit which I think is astounding considering most people GAIN weight after quitting. I've also started to take vitamins and I feel amazing!

All in all I'm so very happy that I've quit smoking, its been a blessing in disguise even though its been VERY difficult at times. There are still times I want to look at my husband after certain things (like watching a movie) and saying "Smoke?" Ehh, before I know it we'll be looking back at a year and saying its been a year since we quit!! And I can't wait.

Fess Up Friday- Messy Vans

2010-02-26T10:09:00.005-05:00

So I'm writing this in reference to another blog that I read. This particular post is called Fess up Friday and its about messy vans (or vehicles). I have to admit that I don't typically keep a messy vehicle. It drives me absolutely insane! Just don't look under the car seats!

My van will get a little messy periodically but at least once a week I clean it out or my husband cleans it out. To help with our mess we actually have an old milk crate in the back that holds all the must haves in our van like a flashlight, first aid kit, oil, windshield wiper fluid and a few other essentials. I admit my van's floor isn't always messy but don't look in all the storage compartments or up in between the front seats! It may not be messy in the back but my little section of the van always has junk in it! A to go coffee cup, our CD cases, a pamphlet I forgot to take in the house, my coupons, garbage, whatever- its a catch all! And my compartments? Forget it! If I can hide it, I do! My van can be quite deceiving so don't let it fool you but that's why we all have secrets right?! What's your messy little secret?

Go here to read other posts like this one.

Day 1 Smoke FREE!

2010-01-25T00:35:00.003-05:00

According to my sister blog, Mom's Best Kept Secrets, I find a lot of deals and a lot of what I like to call "freebies"; but, never have I ever found a freebie like this! I pride myself in helping others save money and get the same kinds of freebies I do. This is a different kind of pride. This pride is within my soul, within my kids' soul and within my husbands soul.

My decision to become smoke free has been a long time coming. I never smoked a single cigarette while pregnant or while I was nursing both my boys. I take pride in the fact that that was my first gesture of love towards my children. I have always felt that smoking was my nasty habit and my horrible decision so I have gone out of my way to not smoke around others that may not be a smoker or especially around children. So some might say, "what's the point?". If you are going to go that far out of your way to not smoke around those that don't, why bother? There's an easy answer to that- it was sexy. Or so I thought.

Sexiness was linked to smoking for a long time. How many ads are thrown at young girls that show absolutely beautiful women smoking? Tons- at least when I was young there was. Now here's not to say that I'm old by any means but I started smoking shortly after my first hard break up. The next guy to show interest in me smoked. I thought, at the age of 17, "wow, he likes me because he thinks I smoke!" And that's where the horrible habit started.

I smoked on and off for years especially through college because let's face it, when you drank, you smoked. Hell when I was in college I even got my college roommate to start smoking! So there was power in it. Who doesn't like to have power over someone? Even if its a small type of power that isn't to the point of abuse, its still power.

Then when I got pregnant, that was power! The power of a little human being that couldn't talk, move or breathe had the power over me to quit. The double line on the test had enough power over me to quit. Talk about power! That's what started my struggle with starting and quitting.

I started smoking again after my first son was born and I went back to work, quit again when I got pregnant with my second son and once again started back up again 6 months after he was born. It's been 2 years and here I go again. The difference now is I'm quitting for myself, not for someone else. At least not a little someone else! ;-)

Here's my reasons for quitting:
1) Ultimately for myself. My health and frankly I don't want to look 50 years old at 30 years old.
2) My children. My kids tell me all the time they don't want me to smoke and they want me to quit.
3) My husband. I want to be around a good long time to spend as many years with my husband as I can.
4) For my potential grand kids and great grand kids. I want to be around to see them and not be sickly because I smoked for the last 40 years.
5) Its a burden and expensive. Its come to the point where I plan my life around when I can have a cigarette. Now where's the power!

My decision to quit today didn't come lightly. It came in a form as a sign. A few weeks ago I signed up online for 2 free samples of Nicorette gum. They came in the mail yesterday. I looked at my husband and said, "Well I guess I'm out of excuses." And you know what he said to me? "I guess so."

I woke up this morning like every typical morning- grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down to the computer. My husband went and got me the newspapers I asked for so I could start looking for the sales and file the coupons. I took my first piece of gum after lunch. At first it tasted just like any other cinnamon gum that you could buy, then there was something different. My body calmed down and I didn't "need" a cigarette anymore, I just wanted one. I fought the urge by reading stuff online and then working out. Since then I've only had 2 more pieces of gum for a total of 3 pieces today. I'm only chewing it when I have an urge to have a cigarette. I know, not what the box recommends doing but its working for me so far. I don't "feel" better yet but I'm sure that will come. I've been coughing a little more, but alas that too will subside with time. One of the things I'm refusing to do is eat more. I have successfully stayed within my calorie count for the day! Here's to a great day 2!!!

Finally....weight loss!!

2010-01-13T10:38:00.002-05:00

Well, as most of you know I wanted to lose weight this year. I wanted to get back to my "hot mamma" status instead of "fat mamma" status. The beginning of the month was a very rough start, I actually didn't know where to start. Then my husband being the best husband in the world decided to go buy EA Active Personal Trainer and WOW! What a work-out!!

Let me preface all of this with something. I've been feeling horrible about myself lately and especially since becoming a SAHM. I didn't want to become this stigma of what people think about a SAHM. I didn't want to gain weight and then have people look at me and say, "well its because you stay home". What an excuse! Because I stay home! Like I sit around and watch soaps and eat bon bons, right? I don't even like bon bons!! Anyway, all of last year, I would hide my body- wear oversized clothes and always tried to cover my stomach with something. I was never this heavy in my life (except when pregnant, but that doesn't count!) and I hated it. To look at myself in the mirror just disgusted me and to go clothes shopping?! Forget it!!

My weight was coming to the point that it was affecting my relationship with my husband. I didn't like him seeing me undress. I didn't like him seeing me naked. It made me want to vomit! No wife should feel that way about her husband! Every wife should love for her husband to see her and worship her. Men have a need to see their wives visually and I was preventing my husband from fulfilling a need. When my husband did see me, it was by chance and even then I covered up pretty quickly. As a wife it is our job and duty to see to it that our husbands are satisfied and happy, and I wasn't doing that. My weight was affecting that part of my job as a wife. It is slowly getting better, I'll let you know when I lose 50 lbs!!

A turning point in my decision to lose weight was last summer. We made a family trip to see my husband's brother in Virginia and of course we were constantly busy while there. No problem except most of the things we were off doing were extremely physical. I couldn't do it. We started to climb up the side of a mountain to try and reach the top to see some beautiful waterfalls and I couldn't make it. I stopped not even halfway there and had to turn around. Not to mention the inumerable stops I had to make on the way. I was drenched in sweat, couldn't breathe and dissapointed my son who was looking forward to making it to the top. At the time I joked to my husband and brother in law about not making and blamed it on other things but I knew what the problem was. I was fat. I was out of shape. The pressure of my extra weight affected my knees and I was in pain. When we go down this summer, I'm going to conquer that very mountain that so kicked my butt last year!

Something else to think about- diabetes, heart disease, high cholesterol, high blood pressure. I am currently at a 20-30% chance HIGHER risk than someone my height and normal weight to get these horrible diseases! 20-30%!!! That's too high of a risk for me! Especially considering on the genetic side of things I'm already screwed; but yet, it's never pushed me before. I'm 27 years old why should I care about these diseases? They hit people in their 40's and 50's, right? WRONG! My brother in law has been at heart attack cholesterol levels since he was 27. Heart attack levels! That's incredible. Since when did a 27 year old have to worry about cholesterol? Apparently, now. I want to be around for my children. I want to be around for my grandchildren. I want to be around for my husband. I can't do that if I'm sick. I can't do that if I'm fat.

Then there is the money aspect. How much money do you think over the course of a lifetime does an obese couple potentially spend to be obese? Include medical expenses, food, clothes, and income. $3,000,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you believe that? 3 MILLION! That's a whole heck of a lot of money! I mean I know eating healthy isn't nesseccarily cheap but imagine how much money spent on fast food? Processed food? Food full of artificial trans-fat and hydrogenated oils? That adds up very quickly!

And what about the example I'm setting for my kids? That its ok to be overweight? That its ok to not care? Its never ok to be overweight, its never ok to not care about yourself. I want my children to have healthy parents and show them that healthy food DOES taste good! It's an amazing thought I know. I heard something one time that has helped me with my quest to a healthy diet- "If your fridge is stocked with stuff that will rot, its a healthy diet". I practically live by those words now! Meaning, if whatever is in your fridge will rot, for example, fresh fruits and veggies, than you are on the right track. That does not include leftover fast food that I swear never actually goes bad, it just gets hard! If, when it rots, you can use it as compost then you're on the right track! And quite honestly as much as I like to save money I've been able to save money on my fresh fruits and veggies by just shopping around and shopping locally.

So anyway, back to my EA Personal Trainer. When I did the very first workout I was wiped out. My husband decided to do it with me since he would like to lose a few pounds to get away from the stigma that EMS workers are overweight because they don't have time to eat healthy. Which by the way is crap for an excuse! He was also wiped out! I thought to myself halfway through it "I can't do this, this is too hard". Then I pushed myself and pushed myself again to get through it and finally I made it through the first workout, all intact. I was sweating profusely, couldn't breathe and was exhausted but it was the start to a wonderful change. Day by day it has gotten slightly easier but its still really hard. I have noticed, however, that my arms are beginning to take shape. I have definition! I actually have a muscle under that layer of flab on my arms! Picking up my 40 lb 2 year old now is a cinch! I'm not struggling to get up and down the steps. And the best part? I have more energy. I'm not tired all the time! I have 1-2 sugary drinks per day and that's only because its in my coffee. Other than that I drink water. I bought a Brita pitcher for $11 at Walmart and it has been awesome!

So far, in one week, I've lost 2.6 pounds!! To me, that's amazing! I've cut my caloric intake and I've been working out once a day. It takes time but I know if people would stop coming up with excuses they could lose weight too. How can anyone knowingly ruin the only body they have? Because they are full of excuses. Get out of denial people. You are slowly committing suicide by being obese. And nobody in their right mind wants to commit suicide. But that's what you are doing, you are strangling your heart and compressing your lungs. Get your life back! Take it back from food! You have one life, one body- treat it well!

Going into the New Year

2009-12-31T15:59:00.003-05:00

Its been a long time since I've posted something to this blog, so my apologies if you read it. I've been busy in my life as a SAHM and wife.

As this year comes to a close I'm forced to think about everything that has happened in the last 365 days. Its been a long but wonderful year. In January 2009 I began my journey as a stay at home mom and wife with much scrutiny from family members about me quitting my job. The first few weeks were like a vacation and I always had my nose stuck in a book or my eyes glued to a website searching endlessly for information about how to be a stay at home mom. I grew up with a stay at home mom but never was I taught how to take care of a household and care for my children at the same time. For the first few years of my marriage and being a mommy I worked full time. My home always came second and generally didn't get cleaned until I knew someone was coming over. So to go from working and putting my house second to being home and having to make my home my job was something difficult to accomplish. By March or so I finally figured it out and now have not only a routine but a house that is no longer just a house but a home.

After I figured out how to keep my home put together I decided it was time to put my husband on that list and place my marriage in my top priorities which also unfortunately was also put to the wayside when I was working and trying to be a mom. I stumbled across a movie and book called Fireproof and it has changed my marriage in ways I couldn't even begin to put into words. I am so much more grateful for my husband and treat him so much differently than I used to. He's now my husband, partner, best friend, lover rather than a live in roommate. Fireproof I feel helped to save my marriage.

All while understanding how to better my home and my marriage I discovered coupons! They have been a Godsend in trying to save my family money. I have saved, I know, HUNDREDS of dollars by using coupons and getting rebates. Most think that these things are such a waste of time and a big pain in the butt but it has paid us well. After the New Year I will be posting a lot of my newest deals again on my sister site Mom's Best Kept Secrets.

By about the middle of the year and some of the scrutiny wore off from our decision I decided it was time that I really learned what it meant to be a fabulous woman, wife and mother. So I received in the mail a book called "Fascinating Womanhood" and although some of her ideals are old fashioned a lot of the concepts can still be applied. I learned a lot about myself and what I need to do to treat my husband with the respect he deserves. After all, he is the one going out into the world and working long hours so that I can stay home and take care of our children properly. He deserves a lot of respect and gratitude.

I discovered some hidden talents of mine throughout this past year also and learned a lot about myself. I learned that I can be super money savvy but still look awesome and fashionable. I learned that I can bake without burning something including cookies and I actually enjoy it. I learned that I can make good homemade meals and save even more money in the process. I learned that cleaning is an art and not just anyone can do it. I learned that I have OCD worse than I thought. I learned that my husband although he tries can't clean the house the way I do or deal with the kids the way I do. God love him! I learned that although the computer is a valuable tool for information it is possible to spend way too much time on it. I learned that my kids love the simple things in life and I don't need to spend a lot of money if any at all to make them happy. I learned that its who's in the house and what's being done in the house that harbors love and memories not the stuff in the house. I learned that I absolutely HATE clutter and find myself decluttering almost every week. I learned that its possible to find a best friend across the miles and totally trust and love her like a sister even though we've never met!

So out of all the things I've learned over the past year the most important is just how important my job at home really is. Without me, the house wouldn't be clean, the children wouldn't be clean, good homecooked meals wouldn't be on the table and more than likely we would all be wearing dirty clothes. I am the glue to this family and I intend to stay that way. I'm proud of the job that I have and feel privelaged that not only did my husband choose me as his wife but that I was chosen to be my children's mommy.

There have been some not so good things that have happened this year but we all learn and move on. I have no regrets over the past year and plan to start the new year with a clean slate. To all the naysayers about what my family chooses to do, keep your oprinions to yourself as we really don't care.

I'm looking forward to the new year beginning and wondering what wonderful memories we will make as a family. Its a new year and the beginning of a new decade. I've made my goals for the year (and I say goals because I'm more likely to stick with it if its a goal and not a resolution), have you??

As life goes on...

2009-10-15T09:46:00.002-04:00

Such as life in Pennsylvania, we are expecting a snow storm. Yes, I said a snow storm in the middle of October! I'm really not ready for this. I don't like the snow and ice and cold to begin with but to get it in the middle of October? BUT, we haven't really had any seasons all year. We went from frigid cold to really cold to cold back to really cold and now its going to be frigid cold again. Summer came and went without a lot of hot weather and fall was here and gone. Now we are in winter. Sigh...

On a lighter note, I guess that means I really need to batten down the hatches and get this place in tip top shape for the holidays that are right around the corner. We have a layaway at Kmart so our Christmas shopping is started and Shawn just got a raise!

On the mothering front, I'm worried about my oldest. He's having issues in school again. We dealt with the same types of issues last year during pre-school and I thought it was just because he was in a class of 3 year olds but he's acting up again and he's in a class of children his own age. I'm really beginning to worry about ADD/ADHD. I'm in no way saying that I want him medicated but I do want to get him some sort of help. I don't want him to just slide through life like this and be known as the bad kid. I mean, let's face it, teachers talk. They have a trouble student and it gets passed on to the teachers in the next grade and the poor kid isn't even given a chance! Ever here the saying, lies can be percieved as truth if told enough? Yeah, that's my thoughts. If you tell a good kid that he's bad or automatically treat him like he's a bad child then he will continue to do so because that's what's expected of him. My son is not a bad child and I don't want him to be wrongly judged. Now do I take the chance of him being judged because of the label of ADD or ADHD, yes I do. BUT, if he's being treated wrongly, unfairly, or unjust then I have fuel against the person and trust me I will fight that fire. I also, want him to learn coping skills and how to harbor his talents. I mean look at Ty Pennington, he has ADD and is EXTREMELY successful! I also would like some tips for myself in how to deal with a child that has ADD/ADHD. He's so intelligent and is not having trouble with his school work, he's just having impulse control issues. We will see.

Well, my husband has officially taken over the finances and honestly I couldn't feel better about it. It's so nice not having to worry about it and constantly checking the bank account and worrying about this bill and that bill. It's no longer my responsibility. I only have to worry about getting good deals to make sure our dollar gets stretched to the last penny. I've had some pretty awesome deals lately especially at Rite Aid getting back almost everything I have put out if not actually MAKING money on the deals! Now you can't beat that! I now have a small budget to deal with instead of a large one. Makes my life so much easier and stress-free. Ok so not totally stress free but its a start!

My Baby turned 6 today.

2009-09-27T23:11:00.003-04:00

Well my baby turned 6 today. My where did the time go!? It feels like only yesterday I was in labor with him and holding him in my arms for the first time! He was such a helpless little being in need of some tender loving care and today he is such an independent little man. We celebrated his birthday with a soccer cake that I made completely from scratch including the icing. He was so excited to get the soccer cake and he absolutely loved it. I personally think that I could have made a better soccer ball but it was trial and error today so next time I'll be better prepared with better cake decorating tips.

On this day every year I sit back and think about what I was doing at the time that I was pregnant with him and I reminisce about the day I went into labor with him. The morning was like any other, I got up for the umpteenth time to pee and when I came back to bed and JUST got comfortable my water broke all over the bed. My then boyfriend (now husband of almost 5 years) jumped up out of bed faster than I've ever seen him get out of bed and started to run around like a chicken with his head cut off. My contractions didn't start until well after being at the hospital and worsened once they started the Pitocin. I had all kinds of family around me during the whole thing and the Steelers game on the TV. My father showed up much later as he didn't want to sit at the hospital for hours and 45 minutes after he showed up Zaine made his arrival. After everyone had their visits with the newest addition to the family, Shawn decided to propose. The funniest thing about the whole thing was at the time, I was holding Zaine trying to eat a very cold supper (they wouldn't let me eat while in labor) and my water was sitting too far from me. I asked Shawn to hand me my water and all he kept saying was "In a minute". After the third time of me, now at this point, demanding my water, he sat on the bed and proceeded to ask me to marry him. I, of course, said yes and well now the rest is history.

Why tell this story? Because at this point in my life, I was in complete turmoil and this milestone of having a baby and getting engaged all in the same night made me realize that my life was finally beginning. The family I had always wanted was beginning to take form. Now 6 years later I celebrate one of the BEST nights of my life and I love watching him grow into a man, the man I know he can be. God has given me the best job in the world and it all started with my first baby. My little Zaine.

My life as a soccer mom and housewife

2009-09-24T18:22:00.002-04:00

So over the past few days I've been on a mission. To save my family even more money and to keep a clean home. I've also been on the mission to make sure when my husband gets home that the house is spotless and I have a cold drink waiting for him when he walks through the door. Heck, even the other night he said he was hungry for popcorn so when he got home guess what was hot in the microwave. It's been a while since I've seen a smile of appreciation like that on my husbands face. I've been slowly following the FW principles and slowly but surely I've noticed a wonderful change in my husband. He's happier now than I think he's ever been and on really good days my children cooperate.

I'm getting better at getting up in the morning and getting dressed instead of lounging in my PJ's until Lord knows when. Which surprisingly so, I feel a lot better and ready for my day when I'm ready to attack it. I don't spend the time anymore an hour before I need to leave "getting ready". I'm not running late anymore because I'm ready for my day. It's amazing what some clothes and make up will do to a girl!

On the money front, I've saved loads of money this month. My total food bill after rebates is under $100! That's pretty incredible if you ask me! I've been doing a stockpile for about 2 months now and its amazing how much money I've saved just by doing that! I still have a stock pile and will continue to contribute to it when its possible and I find rock bottom deals. I've even been able to start my Christmas shopping. Now in past years, I've never been able to do that; but, because of my perseverance over the money and saving it any way possible its allowing us to be so much more comfortable! I love knowing I can provide for my family on the smallest budget possible. If I would have still been working I would have never done that. I never had time to sit down and look for deals and coupons and apply them to store sales. I've gotten so many things for under a dollar or free its unbelievable. For example, just recently I bought 33 items, breaking it down from the total I spent $0.37 per item and there were 4 packs of diapers in the mix.

Right now, we are planning for a VERY busy October and I'm trying to decide if I want to host a coupon class. Its been in the works and talks for a few weeks now and I know people would utilize it in my area. We are a deprived area and I know people would benefit. So that's possibly something to come in coming weeks.

For now, I'm enjoying being a wonderful wife to my husband and the best mother I can be. I will continue to flourish in my duties of a housewife and soccer mom!

It's official...

2009-09-16T12:18:00.003-04:00

I'm a soccer mom! I have to say its pretty invigorating to know that I'm in a place in my life where I'm finally happy. For so many years, I felt lost and that I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I first was in school for psychology which I loved but I'm not sure if I loved the classes or the friends and partying. Then I went to school to be an LPN, where I thought I was happy for a while. I enjoyed helping people learn to walk again as a rehab nurse. But something inside me still wasn't happy. I always had mommy guilt for going to work, I always dreaded going to work. I was mean and grouchy all the time because I just wasn't happy.

Finally, when I quit listening to what every one else wanted me to be, I listened to myself, and became a stay at home mom. I couldn't be happier to be where I'm at right now in this moment. My kids are happier, my husband is happier and my home is happier. Isn't that old saying, "if mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"? Well I think that's true. My unhappiness was rubbing off on everyone around me, especially my husband. We had a VERY difficult first couple of years and I honestly think some of it had to do with the fact that I was unhappy and there wasn't anything he could do about it.

I've known for a while now that I've been happy being home but it wasn't until I was at my son's soccer game that I finally realized I'm not just happy to be where I am, I am ecstatic to be where I am. People are still trying to adjust that no matter what they tell me or my husband that this is the decision we have made and we are happy with it. So what we are down to one car? Where do I have to be anyway! I'm able to now be at EVERY event that goes on in my childrens lives and that is the single most important thing to me right now. So as I live my happy life right where I am and raise my children correctly and the way they should be raised, I say to all those that may be reading this- don't let anything or anyone stand in the way of your true happiness! I'm PROUD to be a soccer mom! I couldn't possibly have a better title in life!! Now to finish the image with a van... That's next years project!

First Day of School

2009-08-31T14:19:00.003-04:00

So today was the first day of school, why is that so important? Because it was my oldest son's first day of KINDERGARTEN! I was good though and I didn't cry, got choked up but didn't cry. My youngest son was crying more than I did. He wasn't happy that his brother was going somewhere and he wasn't. He couldn't quite understand it. My oldest son on the other hand was so extremely excited to go to "the big school on the hill".

For me, him going to kindergarten is kind of bitter sweet. I'm so excited that he is growing up and turning into quite the young man but I miss my little guy. I miss the time that he was 2 and figured out how to operate the VCR. I miss the time that he learned his ABC's and was so proud of himself for doing so. I miss him just being little and needing mommy. Granted, he still does need his mommy but for different things now. He needs mommy to tie his shoes. He needs mommy to get him a drink. He needs mommy to make him a special sandwich. But he doesn't need mommy to get him dressed. He doesn't need mommy to brush his teeth. He is such an independent little bugger and doesn't like to lose. He loves to learn and to read and enjoys going to new places.

This experience has taught me that they truly grow up way too fast. I sat back today as I was making him a nice hot breakfast before school and was thinking to myself that these young years will pass me by if I don't slow down and pay attention. I am so grateful to be given the opportunity to be able to be home with my children and "watch" them grow up compared to many that are out there and don't have that choice. I'm grateful to my husband who is willing to work long hours just so I can stay home. I'm grateful for the Man upstairs who has shown me my path in life and has helped me walk it. I love my life right now and even though this may be a small milestone to some, it is a huge milestone to me. It makes me realize they don't stay small forever. When he steps out into the big, big world I have confidence I have taught him well. For now, this is the path of Mamma's Journey.

My life applying FW

2009-08-28T20:18:00.002-04:00

So as most of you already know I have been reading, studying and applying the teachings of Fascinating Womanhood and as most of you have already read I have had some difficulties with it. Now as a background for those that don't know FW was written somewhere around 1965 and has some old fashioned beliefs but the basis of what she is trying to get through to you still holds true today. The principle of being a good wife is still there.

Over the past week or so, I have applied more and more teachings to my every day life with my husband and I have started to see a change. My husband is finally happy to come home because he knows he won't walk into instant bitching and complaining. My husband finally feels at peace when he comes home to a spotless clean home and nice cold drink waiting for him. I don't call him during the day anymore just to whine about how horrible my day is just stressing him out more. I wait until I'm calm and then I will talk to him. If he calls me when I'm in the middle of something I calmly ask if I can call him back. My children are even noticing the difference in mommy and have calmed down quite a bit themselves. It is in my heart to be a wonderful wife and mother and I feel it is my calling to stay at home where I feel that I should be, it is my place to be at home. I'm growing as a person and realizing that my husband isn't a punching bag for when I'm having a bad day. What can he do about it? He's at work. I have also decided that it is high time he takes over as the head of the household. He's the breadwinner now, not me. He's the one working hard out in the workforce so that me and the children can have what we have, not me. I do however, still have some say in larger decisions but ultimately it is up to him and what he feels is best for this family.

I have also rendered my power over the money to him as of the end of September. He has willingly said he will take this part of the household back as I had taken it away from him with thoughts expressed that he couldn't do it. The ironic and funny thing about that statement is he's better in math than I am, always has been. I will have some part of the finances and still be part of some of the financial decisions but the bill paying is up to him. I'm done having that burden on me on top of everything else I need to worry about. I was becoming too stressed over the bills and he was coming home in luxury not worrying about a thing. He has never known how much I have had to pinch pennies in the past, he has never known the worry and powerlessness I have felt over money in the past. He willingly admits that he never worried about the money, he would make it, bring it home and then not worry about it. Worrying was always my job. Well not anymore. I think this move is for the better and I can't wait to relinquish that to him.

Fascinating Womanhood Update

2009-08-20T22:29:00.002-04:00

As most of you know who read my blog regularly I have been reading and trying to implement the teachings of Fascinating Womanhood. And right now, I feel that I am failing miserably. In the book it teaches you to accept your husband at face value, which I have. It teaches you to basically keep your mouth shut to your husband about certain things, this I have not. I'm typically a very outspoken person to begin with so to keep my mouth shut about certain things is very hard for me. I have griped to my husband about things that I probably shouldn't gripe about and I've attacked him in ways I should have kept my mouth shut.

I'm slowly learning how he reacts to different ways that I approach him about stuff. Like today, we started to have a very rough day because I wasn't in a very good mood and well it rubbed off in how I spoke to him. Instead of being the loving wife doing my loving duty as a wife I was livid and just downright mean. Of course my husband didn't respond well to this and part of it is probably because I attacked his manhood somehow. In what way I'm totally not sure but I'm sure I did. Instead of compliments and acceptance I was giving dirty remarks and nonacceptance. Which is totally against what the book tries to teach you about. So I will press on and continue to read the book. Maybe there will be some more tidbits in there about how to keep my mouth shut when it needs to be shut. I did however make sure my husband knows that I appreciate everything he does for this family and I don't resent him at all for anything. I could tell in his eyes he appreciated what I said and was happy to hear it. Unfortunately, it was probably the ONLY thing I said all day to this affect. So onward with the book, we will see what else it entails.

Fascinating Womanhood

2009-08-16T11:48:00.002-04:00

So I went online in the forums one day and asked if anyone would be willing to part with their book Fascinating Womanhood. I got lucky and one woman said she would be happy to send it to me as she didn't care for the book anyway. So she sent it on its little way.

I received it a few days ago and have been reading it ever since. I really enjoy it! I mean you have to remember the book was written back in 1975 but the principles are still there. She makes a lot of valid points and I've realized in reading it a lot of MY faults, not my husbands faults. A lot of things that I have been doing to sabotage my own relationship.

Funny thing is, I applied some of her principles already to my life and things have already started to change. Normally, I will call my husband on his cell phone and automatically start harping on him about something either he didn't do or something the children were doing at the time. I have since then tried to stop doing that. Amazingly, the one day he forgot to take the trash out. I didn't say anything about it all day and I never said a word when he got home. BUT, one of the first things he did when he got home was take the trash out that I asked him to do that morning. Now, why is this so significant? Because generally if I would have harped on my husband about it and he either a) would have cocked an attitude about it or b) the trash would have sat there longer until we fought about it.

I've realized even though everyone tells you these things, that I need to accept who my husband is at face value. There is a reason I married him and didn't want to change him then so why should I want to change him now? When thought about, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I have decided to accept my husband at face value with all of his faults. Don't get me wrong, he's not like drowning in faults but everyone has faults and weaknesses and the faster I can accept my husbands instead of fighting with him about it the sooner we can move forward to a better marriage. Now its not to say, if he starts to do something that is completely against our values and morals as a family that I won't speak up but I have to realize that HE is the breadwinner now. HE is the provider for this family right now as he should be. And I have to realize that after a VERY long day at work he just doesn't want to hear about my "horrible" day. Now that's not say he doesn't want to hear about my day at all but he doesn't want to hear it the first second he walks through the door. When he's ready to hear about my day, he will ask.

I know it sounds like I"m becoming this passive woman. No that's not it at all, I'm just choosing when I open my mouth more carefully as to keep my husband happy. I'm learning my position in this world and that is to be a phenomenal wife and mother. Slowly, I'm learning just how to do that!

My life in July

2009-08-06T18:23:00.002-04:00

I've had an extremely busy and trying month. It was constant running in July. I barely had time to breath let alone anything else. We had a surprise 30th birthday party for my brother in law which took a lot of time and money to put together. Then we decided last minute to take the kids to the zoo, which was fun but tiring. We had a vehicle break down on us at least twice and is now out of commission. We are currently contemplating the idea of turning it in for scrap. The extra couple hundred dollars would be nice. Then at the end of July we decided to take a trip to VA. The trip was absolutely beautiful and so much fun. We had an absolute blast for the week. The kids had so much fun they are now bored out of their mind! We have also decided to possibly move through with moving down there. We absolutely love the area, we'd be close to my husbands brother which is what he's always wanted and we would finally be out of PA which is what I've always wanted. There are jobs down there its just a matter of Shawn getting his EMT-B certification in the Commonwealth of VA. From the research we have done it doesn't seem like it would be too difficult to do just time consuming. Which right now all we have is time. With Zaine starting Kindergarten this year we are in no hurry to move during the school year unless we have to. Now, if we could just get on track for August!

Kids and bedtime

2009-07-22T22:10:00.002-04:00

How come children insist on putting up a fight to go to bed when you can plainly see that they are exhausted!? It is one of those battles that I will never understand.

As a child I can remember whining that I wanted to stay up for another hour, but never do I remember putting up a screaming fight before bed! I remember all the excuses- can I have a drink of water, I need to brush my teeth, I have to pee, my favorite show is on. The excuses were endless when it came to bed time.

My kids are relentless when it comes to bedtime! It's at least an hours worth of fighting for them to finally tucker out from pure exhaustion. I have tried so many routines and ways to make bedtime easier and it just doesn't seem to be getting any easier. The kids know the routine but yet somehow they always try to wriggle out more. I'm dreading for the school year to begin and to get on some sort of scheduled time for bed. I honestly think its going to be pure hell!

Come to think of it, its probably partly my fault as in the summertime I do let the bedtime slide a little. I don't think its fair to send a kid to bed when its still daylight out. Something about that just doesn't seem right. So a later bedtime ensues. School is in a little over a month and I pray the transition goes smoothly. But for now, the endless bedtime routine of screaming and fighting continues.

Crayola is not washable!

2009-07-07T21:01:00.002-04:00

Ok so I've been having one of those days and they aren't so atypical as of lately. Not sure why. But you know these days, feels like nothing gets done no matter what you do, the kids are getting on the last nerve you think you have, you burn stuff when you cook, and just as you think you are getting somewhere something else happens to make you take two steps back. Yes, that is the type of day I've been having. I prayed for strength and peace and the courage to finish the day but I think I prayed too late because at this point in the game it didn't help. Or at least I didn't feel that it did. Maybe tomorrow.

So anyway, as my day is progressing and my husband finally comes home after a very long day at work the house is not nearly where it should be and I'm feeling very frsutrated and mad at myself for not having the house the way it should be. I mean I'm home all day you would think I could accomplish this stuff. Well I didn't. I managed to start cleaning out a cupboard that has been bugging me for quite some time now and as I started it of course the kids started to act up as well. I left the room for no more than 5 minutes doing something else and I come back to 3 different hand creams all over my Comcast remote! I managed to get it cleaned up and I'm hoping it will continue to work just because of the fact that those stupid little remotes cost $15! After that monstocity I decided to start making dinner. I recieved an incredible southern style biscuit recipe from a friend on the forums I go visit often and I made sausage gravy. Huge hit at the dinner table and it was done only 15 minutes after hubby got home! Point for mom!

Got dinner cleaned up to realize that I never ran the dishwasher this morning! Now my kitchen is still a mess because I had to run the dishwasher! Hubby was nice enough to step in and take over though and got the dishwasher running for me! He is a saint sometimes. So I went off to do something else and hubby recieved a phone call so we were both busy. Then all of a sudden I hear my 5 year old yell, "MUUUUUUUMMMMM, Brady got the paint and is putting it all over your floor!" When I run into the room, which is a carpeted kitchen I might add, I find Crayola WASHABLE finger paint in big globs on my carpet. Brady proceeds to look at me and says, "pretty colors!" Although I was quite proud of myself for not losing my cool, I was boiling inside. I got most of the paint up but to no avail nothing I know as far as stain removal is taking it all up. I finally gave up and sent hubby to Wal-mart to pick up a few things. I think it's going to take a carpet scrubber to get the rest of it out. IF it will get the rest of it out. Good thing is, landlord gets the carpets professionally steamed when we move out which is already coming out of our deposit. But, now I have an ungodly stain on my carpet. Good thing is I can probably cover it with a throw carpet as the stain is right in front of the sink.

Now, I know Crayola will tell you it might stain some fabrics but you would think they would make it washable from carpet! I can see that maybe it will stain satin or silk or microfiber or something like that but not carpet! Oh well, lesson learned. Crayola washable finger paint isn't neccessarily washable out of everything.

Early Education

2009-07-06T19:20:00.002-04:00

So as a mom I feel a need to make sure I'm teaching my children life skills as well as common sense skills and educational skills. When I don't do this or at the least not trying to do this I feel less accomplished and I really feel no one is hurting but my kids. So I have embarked on a new adventure of semi home schooling. Education is EXTREMELY important in this house as it was when I was growing up. There is hardly a day that goes by that I'm not trying to teach my kids about something, whether its about what an oak tree's leaves looks like or reviewing the ABC's with my two year old. I'm a fond believer, too, that music can play a huge part in a child's learning. I know I always learned better when I had my music playing. So there is generally always music playing in the house somewhere.

My oldest son will be heading off to Kindergarten soon. He loves to read but still doesn't know a lot of the basic words yet. So I'm going to make a word wall for him. I'm going to have easy words and some difficult words and we'll add words every week until school starts and then I'll use the sight words the teacher wants him to learn for the week. Sounds easy, right? Yeah well, I'm having a problem figuring out how to put it on my wall! I want to use something that will be easy for him to remove if I want to play some sort of game with him but not something that will damage my wall. I thought of the sticky Velcro but I have a feeling it will damage my wall. So the next possibility was finding something to put on the wall like a dry erase board or somehow sticking paper to the wall with the Velcro attached to it. I have a word list already printed and cut out and ready to go. Now to figure out how to put them up there. The word list chosen for this week is:
pretty
day
ride
last
best
think
hear
from
night
air
the
you
on
down
jump
are
came
we
said
make
other
was
now
want
eat
give
help
it
there

Probably over half of those he already knows so it will be a nice review. I have also set up a rewards program. I have a basket of goodies and toys that I know he would love to have. Everything has a different ticket value. I even threw in a few money vouchers that have a ticket value. He will earn tickets for different things he does and also for every 5 words he knows without any cues he will get a ticket. He is extremely excited about the new rewards system and also the new wall.

Not only will I have a word wall for my oldest but I have a poster board I plan on coloring and making out color words for my youngest to learn the words with the colors. He will also be using the same the rewards system. I also went out and bought two HUGE posters of the letters and counting up to 20 for us to start going over letter recognition, number recognition, counting 1-20 and singing the ABC's.

So as you can see I have a very busy few months ahead of me of teaching my children everything I think they are going to need to know but keeping it fun for them. Because after all, learning should be fun and not a chore.

Its been a great week!

2009-06-27T12:44:00.003-04:00

So the week is now over and I have a free day. Actually I only have a free day since we are still down a car. Regardless its going to be a lazy Saturday.

First off, we got my sister moved in last Saturday and she's very happy where she's at. The place was almost completely put together when we left. She's a little bit further to travel but that's ok she's in a better place and is happier there.

Father's day was wonderful last Sunday. We spent a few hours with my father and played some video games and then went down to see my mother's horses to which both boys got to ride a horse. They were super excited. After that we went to see my father-in-law and spent the afternoon with him. We managed to get some pictures taken in the family oak tree. They turned out super nice. We got one with Shawn and the boys in the tree and then I climbed up (with help of course) and we got a picture with Shawn and I. When my in-laws decided they were going to go out for dinner we stayed behind and grilled some hamburgers and veggies on the grill and had a picnic. It was one of the best father's days yet! Even Shawn agreed it couldn't have been much better!

The week passed as usual except for one difference. We went to Idlewild on Wednesday. What a blast! It was Brayden's first time that he would remember since the first time we took him he was still a baby. It was so much fun to let him run around and to watch him and his brother ride all the rides. We got some great pictures and made a boat load of great memories.

Now after that it's been back to the ole grind. Tomorrow we have a funfilled day of church and a birthday party. Fourth of July is coming up soon and we have fireworks to go to and a family picnic. Shawn's actually off this fourth of July so we are going to take full advantage. After that, its fun filled month of more parties and traveling. I love busy summer's! It's fun and takes full advantage of the beautiful weather before it becomes crappy and cold again.

This week has been busy

2009-06-18T22:43:00.002-04:00

Well since the beginning of the week I have been helping my sister move into her wonderful new apartment. Its been an exciting time for her since she found out she got the job and then moving into a much better place than she's currently in. This week has been filled with packing boxes, loading cars, unloading cars and unpacking boxes. Luckily, my husbands work schedule has allowed for my help. And I have to say, it's been kind of nice to get away from the kids this week. Its been busy but has given me a chance to almost recharge.

This Saturday I'll be busy again because we are moving all of her big stuff. So it will again be a busy day starting very early.

Unfortunately, with all the traveling back and forth it has done nothing for my budget! Between gas and food, I've spent a small fortune. But to help my sister, it was worth every penny. I'm so happy and proud of her. She's making it on her own and still has time and money to contribute to her addiction, shopping.

All the while, my husband has been home taking care of the kids and the house since I've been gone most of it. I have to say he's been doing a pretty gosh darn good job but I think his sanity is slowly going away! He told me recently that he understands fully why I get stressed and grouchy sometimes. He still questions how I do it day in and day out. And I like to keep it that way. I like the fact that he doesn't know how I do it and where I get my strength from. My strength comes from the good Lord above and my patience although wearing thin on some days also comes from the good Lord. I count my blessings and although some days are very hard I'm glad I am where I am and I have no one to thank for it except Him. He has provided for us in ways I never thought possible.

So here's to another day tomorrow. Another day of snot filled noses and dirty clothes. Another day of computer searching for deals and t-ball games. Another day of being blessed for another day!!

It's late and I'm still awake

2009-06-15T01:36:00.002-04:00

Well its 1:30 AM and I'm still awake. Why? Because I didn't go to bed at a decent hour and my 2 year old decided to get up and not want to go to bed right away. So here I sit.

To get the story started off on the right foot my husband is working overnight tonight. Now that doesn't usually constitute for me staying up late because I generally do every night, but I sometimes end up staying up later. Well it just so happens that I decided to finish scrubbing my kitchen. As I was getting the dishwasher loaded for the night and was scrubbing my counters I turned around and had the begeezes scared out of me. There with tired eyes and a pouty lip my 2 year old stands in the hallway. He looks at me with these innocent but scared eyes as if he's in trouble for being awake. I walk over to him and after pushing my heart down my throat and back into my chest, I comfort my son. I pick him up and tell him he's not in trouble and he lays his head on my shoulder. Ahh, the greatest moments of being a mom!

I ask him if he's hungry and what 2 year old is going to pass up food? So I give him a midnight snack and some strawberry milk. I finish cleaning my kitchen to the sounds of spongebob in the background as I try to get him to simmer back down again to go back to sleep. But as it turns out, its going to be a long night.

I sit and ponder in times like these what goes through children's minds that they get up in the middle of the night and think its time to get up for the day. I've had nights like that though. 4 hours of sleep and I'm wide awake. But here's the problem, when I do it I don't keep anyone else up. When my 2 year old decides to do it I have to stay up with him. I certainly can't leave my two year running the house because I decide to go to bed.

So now that my house is clean, I guess I get to sit with my son on the couch watching spongebob until I can convince him to go to bed. I love these moments but not so late at night.

The Saga Continues...

2009-06-13T16:38:00.003-04:00

So previously, as you all know, we were in the num battle. Well the num battle is slowly turning into a victory... or at least I thought so.

We took Brayden to the drive in movies last night, which was a blast. We only had one child last night since Zaine's grandparents decided to take him over night and to the races. Well anyway, of course there are two movies and they don't even get started until almost 9:00 PM which is when it gets dark. So in the end we didn't even get home till close to 1:00 AM, come to find out when we got home and went to lay our sleeping boy down his bed what do we find? His NUM! I couldn't believe it. My husband and I thought all this time that he actually lost his num! We couldn't believe that he was actually just hiding it from us and still using it without our knowing! So I grabbed it and put it in my pocket.

He still slept through the night without needing it, but this morning he woke up and came into our room and the first thing he said was, "ere num?" We told him he lost it and its gone but the look in his eye told me he knew we were lieing. He's currently taking a nap without his num and he didn't ask about it either; so, hopefully tonight will go smoothly without needing it. My fingers are crossed for the time being. So in the end, the saga continues...

The "num" battle and big boy saga continues

2009-06-07T13:21:00.002-04:00

Okay, so we've made it through the battle of the bottle with no major injuries. Some hurt ears from screaming and maybe some battle wounds of sore throats and tired eyes. But we've been almost a week without the bottle and still holding strong. No white flags of defeat yet.

So the next battle in our saga proceeds on. The num. Or as some might know it as the bink, the nunnie, the pacie. It all started last night, of course I haven't been feeling well as I haven't been getting much sleep and its bed time. My dear husband is off doing his duty as a good father and husband and is working so its up to me. I wearily try to get the kids ready for bed and as its late already of course they try to battle with me. Now typically this isn't a battle I would fight very hard since what kid doesn't fight to go to bed? I get them to put their jammies on and get their teeth brushed, one last drink before they get on the road to Dreamland.

Now generally, its very difficult to get them to go to sleep together in their room. It ends up being playtime and laughtime and very much so not bedtime. So in my one moment of weakness I attempt to lay them down in the same room. That, my friend, was my first mistake. Of course, they wouldn't go to sleep even with me sitting in there with them. So, I move them. One in my room and one in their room.

Now you would think, they are in seperate rooms, no problem! They will go to sleep instantly because there are no distractions. Yea right. Who am I kidding? My next mistake was to not have Brayden's num. To my surprise he never went to bed with it. So he proceeded to ask me for his num. I told him I didn't know where it was and that he really didn't need it, he was a big boy now. I truly didn't look for it that hard. Which on a typical night I would scour this house looking for a num he misplaced hours before. Tonight was different. Tonight I was tired of it being a staple of bedtime. I was tired of seeing my 2 year old son walk around with a num in his mouth trying to talk through it. And I was tired of not being able to go anywhere overnight without having his precious num. So at this point, I'm done. Although something tells me he's not.

We look in his room for his num, no num. We look in the living room, no num. We look in his closet, no num. So I try to distract him with a book. He gets into bed with his "gankies" and I read him a book. After the first, there's a second. After the second he asks again, "num?". I tuck him into bed and tell him I don't know where its at and I leave. For another hour or so he fights me and continuously walks to his bedroom door and opens it in hopes I won't be standing there. Poor thing, to his surprise I was always standing there. Finally, after many times of opening the door and hearing, "get back to bed" he finally goes to sleep. All this was a 2 1/2 hour battle, but for now, that battle was won. Tonight, we will go in for another battle and hopefully, eventually we will end this war and the saga of turning into a big boy.

Trying to get back on track

2009-06-01T12:30:00.002-04:00

The morning has gone fairly slow today. Shawn got me up around 9-930 so hopefully I will be able to get to sleep at a decent hour tonight. Once again last night 1 AM rolled around and I wasn't tired at all. I told Shawn to go to bed since I wasn't tired. I eventually did go to bed and I eventually fell asleep but this stuff is rough! I'm beginning to think that I have some sort of insomnia but I refuse to take any kind of habit forming medication. I'm thinking about eventually getting some melatonin since its all natural. We'll see.

The smoking cessation is going ok. I had a few this morning and I'm sure once Shawn gets home I will have another. This is tougher than I thought but I'm also thinking about it more than usual. Maybe if I quit thinking about it I won't "want" it so much.

Also, this morning Shawn decided to take a bunch of scrap metal to the scrap yard to try and get some extra cash. Well, it literally was just a little extra cash. I think he made $24 which literally is going to go right back into his car that needs fixed. We finally figured out the problem with his car and its going to cost $28! And its a stupid little part. Oh well, its either that or try and spend $50 to get my car back on the road. Which its not broke down it just needs inspected and registered. Not going to happen until we get paid again.

Speaking of extra money, I technically have like $150 worth of candles in my closet and have no way of selling them. They aren't scents that I like and I'm pretty sure they would be scents others wouldn't care for either. That would be the extra cash I could use to get my kitchen in order and get some new stuff. I'm currently trying to sell all my apple decor with no real takers yet. God always provides so I am sure it will come.

This past week or so has really tried my faith and patience. Not saying that I don't believe He will provide but when things go bad you really tend to question everything. You begin to question why He allows things to happen and make you feel like you are struggling. But than I remember how He has provided for us in the past. In different ways like allowing Shawn to find the second job, by his car not totally breaking down, and that my children are provided for. It will be nice to finally get on track with all the bills again, which will hopefully happen this next pay. I pray every night that something will come along, whether its unknown money or we are able to sell something. I know everything happens in God's time but sometimes is trying to just sit and wait! I think I need to go pray some more and see what comes our way.

And besides that, I really need to go clean my house!! After 4 days of not touching it, it needs a make over! So while the tornado has passed the mess is left behind. So I'm off to spend the afternoon catching up on all my cleaning.

Some things I forgot...

2009-05-31T20:20:00.004-04:00

I was just playing some Farkle and remembered things that I wanted to put here and totally forgot to! So here goes...

The bed time routine is going slow but sure and Brayden did go to bed without his bottle or num! Yea! So that will be a goal accomplished early if we can keep it up!

I also decided to make some banana bread this evening since I had about 6 bananas that were going to go bad. I made some muffins for tomorrow morning for breakfast and also a loaf. The kids already dug into the muffins and I'm sure it won't be long before Shawn digs into the loaf.

There was a tragedy this past week. My phone has officially been put out of its texting misery. Yes, my new $300 phone has now been retired. And although it didn't cost me $300, its the point it no longer works. So it really has been testing my ability to go without a cell phone. Its been very very difficult, especially since we don't have that many minutes. But back to the story as to how my phone got fried. I of course was having one of my moments of not paying attention to Brayden and he climbed up onto the bar stools we just got and managed to reach my phone. I swear kids think cell phones are oreos just because they always try to find something to dunk it into. Well at any rate he found a glass that had about an inch worth of tea left in it and decided to, open circuit first, dunk it into the tea. We tried to dry it out with no luck. So we are pretty sure he fried it from the inside. So now I wait to get another since it just so happened to be done in between pay days.

My BIL and SIL were in this past weekend, and as much as I love them and as much as I love seeing my niece and nephew I'm glad they left. It totally takes the kids out of their routine and then its rough to get them back into it. Not to mention, I'm exhausted! So Bryan I love you and I can't wait for you guys to come back in again but I'm glad my house is semi back to normal!!

I have officially begun to quit smoking! Yea me!! I have decided I'm going to pan back and continue panning back until I just don't have any or don't feel the need to want any. I'm usually pretty good anyway and to be honest I generally go out for a cigarrette because Shawn suggests we go down and have one. But most of the time I really don't want one. So here's to hitting my goal of being smoke free by time we go to Bryan's in July! When we do quit, provided my husband quits as well, we will be saving around $150 a month if not more! In a few months time, we could have Christmas saved up!! Crazy I know!! So here's to the beginning of the rest of my life!

It's been a while

2009-05-31T19:06:00.002-04:00

So its been a long time since I've been on here but with the nicer weather has come a much busier life. I've missed writing and taking the time to get all my thoughts written, or typed I should say, out. School has let out and my dear husband has finally found a second position to help offset what I used to bring in. I didn't have a large paycheck but it was enough to basically pay for grocery's. With this second position has brought more hours to schedule around. He actually enjoys working another job and although it means more hours away from home he is still able to get in plenty of family time. Some would say, "how horrible you make your husband work two jobs so you can stay home!". Well here's what I say to you, I can work full time and bring in roughly 5-600 bucks a pay and turn around and pay for day care, have snotty ass children, feel totally guilty, and not be around when my children really need me or my husband can work a second job (most of which are overnight shifts) and we can save from all that. Besides its nobody's business what we do as long as the children are taken care of and we aren't hurting for money. Plus, we save anywhere from 6-700 bucks a month in day care expenses. And hey guess what, my kids actually know who I am! Amazing what a child out of day care can do. I've gotten numerous compliments on how polite and good my children are AND I've even gotten compliments from teachers that can tell my kids are home and not day care. That makes me feel good, not wiping some elderly persons ass or rude families and get paid basically pennies to do it.

So off of my rant, we have been extremely busy. Zaine has started T-ball and so the sporting schedule starts. Luckily, my husband has been able to make it to every game and fortunately we will be able to schedule his work around Zaine's ball schedule. How many parents can say that! He's enjoying playing but something tells me he's going to enjoy soccer more. He's also graduated from pre-school just recently. I didn't cry but he made me so proud! He's learned sign language over the year and he proved it during the program. I was able to get everything on video!! So that was exciting.

My youngest son is starting to count and sing his ABC's. Talk about a proud mamma! We are currently working on getting rid of the bottle and the "num" or bink. The last two nights he has not had a bottle so we are looking forward to not giving him another bottle tonight. We will see. The num is the next battle and then on to potty training!

My husband and I are going to be busy for the next few months as well, as we have many family picnics and traveling to do. In June we have I believe 2 different family functions to go to. In July, we have the pig roast and then we are going to VA for about 4 days to visit with more family. In Aug, soccer starts and then Zaine starts Kindergarten. Oh we also have a trip to Idlewild planned and possibly the zoo! Whew, that's a lot to even type let alone plan and do. And all this is possible because I stay home with my children. How many parents out there can say that anymore. Not too many. It's all about a bigger home, nicer car and the best clothes. Well let me tell ya, I won't be the one complaining that I didn't spend enough time with my children when they are older and out of the house. I'll be the one saying where did all the time go, they grew too fast. And smiling and crying as they drive away or get married.

So as my busy summer only begins, I'm looking forward to many more days and weeks outside and watching my garden bloom. This fall will lead to much canning I'm sure! I will try to keep up with my life on here but please bare with me if I don't post anything for a while. I'm trying!

New Day

2009-05-21T09:04:00.002-04:00

As I sit here and contemplate what I will be doing on this beautiful day my husband has decided for himself. He will be off fishing and then helping a friend this afternoon. So this leaves me with two choices, do something with the kids myself or stay in the house. The later decision doesn't sound like a very fun one but as the summer begins I'm torn as to the choices I have at the moment. I think I might do something with the kids, I'm just unsure as to what at the moment. Right now, its fairly early in the day and they are both currently sleeping (yea me!) so I have some time to sit and meditate on this.

I enjoy quiet mornings- playing on the computer, drinking my coffee and listening to the quiet vastness that surrounds me besides the occasional loud truck that goes past my window. No kids screaming or whining or fighting. Just peace. Why can't all mornings be like this? Mom's would be so much more calm if they were!

Schools out for the summer at the Fletcher home so instead of only having to abide one child's time I now have two. Great joy. Not that I don't want my oldest son home but lets face it, life is slightly easier when he's in school. Only one child to listen to when whining, only one child to make breakfast and lunch for, and one child who still takes a nap. I love both my children very dearly, but I'm spoiled by the fact that my oldest is in school! Who wouldn't be? Don't most parents get spoiled and then summer seems to come way too fast and doesn't end soon enough. We have many a plans for this summer as far as traveling goes and I am deeply looking forward to getting out of my podunk town. One can only take so much of the same sights and sounds before it goes from being familiar to being boring. The same people, the same cars, the same stores, the same routine.

Now granted, although summer is here and I have one more child to take care of some would think, life would speed up slightly. Not here, we went from 0 to 60 once my oldest was done with school. Now its t-ball games, nature walks, more church outings, and hubby working more hours. Do I mind the fast paced life? Not at all, for in some cases I could be a city girl. But I swear that's why God gave us winter. It almost forces most of us to slow down a bit and recharge for the next year.

I have, however, managed to find time to write a childrens book. Pam the Ambulance, is what its called. It is still very rough in the first draft and when looking at publishers prices it may stay that way for quite some time. I don't have $800-$1000 just sitting around waiting to be used or by golly it would be on its way! I have been wanting to write a book for quite some time now and not to get rich from or become famous from just something I thought people would enjoy. So as I started to embark on the journey of writing a book I stumbled upon the realization that my children didn't have any stories based around an ambulance. The significance of this finding is that their father drives an ambulance for a living! All their books were based on a fire engine or a police car at best. So I found the need or as the movie Robots says, "See a need, fill a need!". So one night, while I was lying in bed the idea for the story came to me. I hopped up out of bed and grabbed some paper and just started to write. Low and behold by time I was done writing I had the making of a short story childrens book at hand. It will sit in rough draft form until the good Lord above provides us with the opportunity to get it published. But, for now, I will read it to my kids and one day the world will see my creation.

A Mother's Creed

2009-05-10T21:39:00.003-04:00

A Mother's Creed
I will worry less about my children and trust God more
I will commit them into the Lord's care.
I will love my children unconditionally and let them know I do.
I will believe in them constantly and encourage them often.
I will pray for them daily.
I will teach them responsibility for their own actions.
I will try to be an example of godliness, but I will be unafraid to let them see my faults.
I will give them generous doses of laughter, interspersed with fun.
I will release them when they are grown but they will always be my own.

"Her children arise up, and call her blessed" Proverbs 31:28

Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful mamma's out there! You deserve to be recognized for all the hard work you do! Enjoy your day to the fullest no matter what kind of mamma you are!

A New Journey

2009-05-07T21:26:00.002-04:00

Although I'm still working on the Love Dare and have started to re-read the Bible my journey is just beginning. I'm what most would call a baby in Christianity. I'm still learning every day what it means to be a Christian and to be a more Christian like woman and mother. But, the Lord is taking me on a very unusual road, at least for me. I have a renewed confidence and patience within myself. I find when I stop to meditate and pray to Him in the morning before the kids get up that I am a more confident and patient mom during the day. I feel re-energized and ready for the day. I find a verse in the Bible in an area I may be struggling with and I read it. Psalms I have found is very good for this. I will read it and read it again, until I understand what it is trying to tell me. Whether I'm reading for patience, or guidance, or understanding, or courage, I can find it in that Book. Have you tried it lately? I challenge you to sit down every morning for a week and find something in your Bible to help the challenge you are currently facing- whether it be about relationships or money or your kids. And if nothing else, open your Bible, close your eyes and point. Read the verse that you pointed to and maybe a few thereafter. See what it says, study what it says, and pray for guidance so that you can understand why He wanted you to read that particular verse. Above all I challenge you to take some time for yourself and pray. Pray about everything. Pray for Him to give you strength and stability. Pray for Him to give you patience that day. Pray for forgiveness. "I don't know how to pray", you say. Oh but you do. You have a conversation with someone don't you? You can write a letter can't you? Then you can pray. The bible tells us, "Evening and morning, and at noon, I will pray and cry aloud; and He shall hear my voice." Psalm 55:17 He will always hear you, and He knows your struggles. But He's not going to help you if you don't ask. Prayers are only answered if there is a prayer to answer.

Speaking of praying, I prayed that the Lord would help my children understand Him better and be excited about Him. I prayed that he would touch my husband's heart and lead Him where He needs him to be. So within the past week or two, I brought up an idea to have a children's bible study. Not that I know the first thing about how to conduct a children's bible study but the job was given to me. My pastor's wife is helping me a good bit to get going and she's giving me the guidance and support to get this going. We are still trying to get the word out to people about bringing their children to our Wednesday night bible studies but there is also an adult bible study. It should be fun and we are going to have a veggie tales theme for all the lessons. For the children, not the adults! My kids are excited about Wednesday evenings and so am I. What an opportunity for growth in my own faith as well as helping the future of our world in their faith. I've already learned a lot just from trying to prepare the lesson for next Wednesday. So I leave you with this. What have you prayed for today? What have you done for your faith today? If you've answered nothing, you have some work to do. He's listening...

I'm on the Battle Field today

2009-05-01T12:15:00.004-04:00

So my morning started out so beautifully. My husband dutifully went off to work and I came upstairs to bask in the quietness of our home. Both kids didn't get to bed until late last night so they were sleeping in. I was able to catch up on some emails that have gone awry in the last few days and also catch up on the forums that I chat to other women in. So the morning is going great, its quiet and I'm actually enjoying my coffee instead of gulping it down as if there's a shortage and I must drink it fast to get more. So in amongst my nirvana my phone rings. Its my mother. Great. She proceeds to ask me in an excuse kind of tone when Zaine's preschool graduation was. So I told her just anticipating the real reason she called. Then she tells me that my name is in the paper and when I questioned her about what, because I honestly didn't know, she tells me that my old place of employment had my name printed for resignment. Great, so now what do I say to this. Either way I'm wrong. Either I stay home with my children with no child care costs and not having to listen to her moan about having them again or I go back to work and have child care costs and listen to her moan. Its a lose/lose situation for me. Either way I have to listen to her moan, whine, and complain. Complain either about the fact that I'm home with no job and SHE feels I should have a job or I go back to work and I listen to her moan about having to babysit. Its a win situation for my children who have me home where I need to be. But where does my happiness come in at? Where does what I want come into play? It apparently doesn't matter. So the battle begins...

Then I thought about it and talked with a friend and I realized that this is a test. A test of my faith. The Devil didn't like the fact that I was having a great morning and he had to do something to ruin it. Since it come from my mother it was a two for one special. He knows my mother won't let up and will nag me until I get another job. So great, a test. Just when I think everything is going well and now I feel like I can do nothing right again. Or can I? Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the Lord: be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord" So basically, I need to pray and I need to pray hard. Everything happens in God's time. He has a plan and I will not let Satan take hold of me again. I'm stronger than that, I laugh in his face. Surprisingly, since I've taken a hold of it and laughed him out of town (or at least out of my house), I have not received one phone call. The day is still young though. But I'm prepared and my heart is strong.

"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:19 (NIV)

Now is the time more than ever that I need to remember this. Whether I believe He is meeting my needs or working through someone I love dearly He will meet our needs in His time through His glorious son, Jesus Christ. I need to trust that He has my best interest in mind. And that's not always very easy. To give up control of oneself. For most, it is the most difficult thing they will ever do for themselves but probably the most rewarding. Why should I worry myself over something Satan has had a hand in? I shouldn't and that's the point. In seeking His trust I must think and remember this verse, "Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything." 1 Timothy 6:17 NIV Hope, the means to the end. Trust, the means to the end. Forgiveness, the means to the end. Love, the end, walking with the HIM. My hope, trust and love is completely His and my sins have been forgiven as well as those that have been forgiven around me. I'm off now to fight my inner battle and have a glorious day. I hope you have the same.

Wanna Be Doctor

2009-04-23T13:14:00.002-04:00

So my husband took my youngest to the Dr's yesterday for his well baby check up. Well it started off bad because he had to see the twit of a physicians assistant whom I can't stand and have had it out with before. I typically refuse to schedule my kids to see her just because I can't stand her but this was a reschedule due to whoever looked at his record from before thought he needed shots. So it just started off bad. Well, it got a little bit better when we learned he was all caught up on his shots and luckily I told my husband to have the nurses recheck because I thought he was due for some. Well as it turns out, he was up to date. So yea for him!!

But then it gets worse. This twit looks at Brayden's chart and without really looking at him says, "He's overweight compared to what the chart says." WHAT? HE'S OVERWEIGHT?! Yeah, ok. Then I guess I'm obese! Come on lady, he's two years old and winter just ended. Ya wanna discuss your weight sweetheart because you're not exactly a supermodel! My youngest is a little porky but as I have said winter just ended, he will be outside a lot more now.

Then she proceeded to say, "Quit giving him milk that's why he's overweight." Again, EXCUSE ME?? No milk? Um yeah right. Studies have shown that kids under the age of 17 don't get enough milk for the calcium and now you're telling me no milk? Again, yeah right. He loves milk and I'm not going to deprive him of something that's good for him. Would you rather he be on soda? Besides we just switched him maybe a month ago from whole milk to 2%, his little body is still adjusting to the fat difference. Then she says no juice, just water! Yeah ok, lady you must not have kids. Lets see, choices for kids drinks- kool-aid (loaded with sugar), bug juice (loaded with sugar), huggies (loaded with sugar), soda (loaded with sugar and calories), juice (no added sugar, relatively low in calories), milk (no added sugar and relatively low in calories), water (BLEH). I raise hell when I see that my kids are drinking kool-aid and huggies and bug juice! Its so loaded with empty calories and sugar its pathetic. Plus, its not a very nice crash when they come off the sugar high. My kids do get those things but it is considered a treat, ya know like ice cream?

Then she proceeds to ask if he gets enough fruits and veggies as if incinuating that we give him nothing but cookies and candy! Except for after holidays, if you walk into this house and look in my cupboards you will not dare find candy, cookies, chips, or junk! How dare she insult my parenting by insinuating that I feed my kids nothing but junk! Snacks to them are raisins and peanut butter or apple slices or a banana. We have a very square meal at supper because I cook it from SCRATCH! Dare I say that I cook something from scratch and not a box? My kids are healthier than probably half the kids in my town and she's barking down our throats because my two year old doesn't fit some chart! Did I mention he's tall for his age? Well he is. He's over 3 feet tall and he just turned 2. Plus, he's had a two inch growth spurt since they last seen him 8 weeks ago. Weight typically coincides with height.

I consider myself to be a Christian woman and although I will pray for this woman to calm her mouth, I'm glad I wasn't at the appointment because I probably wouldn't have acted very Christianlike or womanlike at all. Did I say she's not even a doctor? Well, she's not. She's a physician assistant. This is the same woman I had to fight with over my youngest son's reflux when he was a baby because she outright insisted that I was crazy and overzealous because breastfed babies don't get reflux! Boy was she wrong with that one too. I immediately insisted a doctor come into the room or I wasn't leaving. My youngest then proceeded to throw up in front of the doctor and immediately I recieved a prescription for Zantac. Her face dropped when I looked at her, smiled, and simply stated, "I told you".

So needless to say, once again I will have to make sure who my children will be seeing because I refuse to walk into that office again and see her insult mine and my husbands parenting skills all because of what some stupid chart says. There's too many obese children slipping through the cracks, go help and harrass their parents. Not me.

2009-04-19T22:07:00.003-04:00

I've been thinking about my blogs lately. And this one in particular has really taken on its own face. I find myself speaking more freely and talking about the things that I must do to become closer to the Lord and to do what it is He is asking me to do. My hopes for this blog is that everyone who reads it either takes something from it or feels they know a little bit about my world and my thoughts. My challenges are a way of my thinking out loud. This is my way and my thoughts put out there for the world to read. Some of the things I say and talk about I may not say directly to someone but in someone reading this, I don't have to feel persecuted since you are reading this at your free will. It is not a conversation between you and I, rather someone reading an authors words. I hope you feel like you are in my struggles and my strengths with me. I am always open for comments and the comments on this page are free for the public to express themselves. All I ask is if you really don't have anything nice to say, please don't say it at all. It's rude and disrespectful. I'm asking that you act on the words your mamma preached to you for all those years. Enjoy reading my words and feel inspired by them! God Bless!

Forgiveness

2009-04-19T00:07:00.003-04:00

My husband is doing the love dare as well for not only the growth of our marriage but also for growth in himself and his relationship with the Lord. His dare for today was about forgiveness and as we talked to each other about this particular dare I felt the need to post something about forgiveness.

As many of you remember Easter was about a week ago. On this day, we remember that Christ died on the cross and arose from the dead. He died for our sins. He died so that we may ask for forgiveness and receive it. So why is it so hard for us to forgive others?

Have we built this prison in our heart and refuse to let anyone out? This goes for everyone, not just our spouse. You should always forgive your spouse or significant other but what about everyone else in your life? Your mother, your father, brother, sister, friend, foe? What about those that may have wronged you in your childhood?

Forgiveness can truly be one of the hardest things anyone can do for someone else. We willingly carry the stress of "hating" someone. Hating someone to the point that our blood will boil when we see them. And they don't even have to say anything, we just hate to even see this person. We willingly make the choice to hate this person, whoever it may be. What we fail to realize is that forgiveness and hatred is a choice. You make the choice to hate someone as well as you make the choice to love someone.

You made that empty dark room in your heart to store people whom you can't forgive. This room in your heart will remain there as long as you let it and eventually you will become your own prisoner. Your hatred and unforgiveness will consume you to the point that you are miserable and you don't really know why. Why is it we choose to carry this burden on ourselves when it is not up to us? It is not up to us to punish someone and to judge them for what they have done. In Romans 12:19 it states, "Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God for it is written, 'Vengence is Mine, I will repay,' says the Lord." Leave your hatred and unforgiveness in that room. Take the key that Jesus is trying to give you to release all your prisoners. He's standing there waiting for you to do it. But, its hard right?

Well think about this, when you were a child you so easily handed a toy over to your dad and said, "Fix it!". But aren't you forgetting that we are all God's children? That He is our Father. Let Him fix this. Why is it so easy for us to hand over a materialistic thing to be fixed, but it is so hard to hand over something we can't even see?

Unity

2009-04-15T18:01:00.002-04:00

This is an interesting part of the dare because honestly I'm not quite sure I understand it.

Unity. Togetherness. Oneness.

The basics of ones marriage. Isn't this the basis of why most of us get married? To become one with each other. In Genesis 2:24, it says that you become united into "one flesh". So when the book said that love brings unity, I thought "well yeah, no kidding". But what was it really saying.

The book talks about the unity through the Trinity- Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The Father being God who made all the heavens and all the earth, the Son who was sent down to us from Him as Jesus Christ to die for our sins on the cross, and the Holy Spirit is "moving over the surface of the waters" (Genesis 1:2). But what does this have to do with your relationship or marriage? A LOT!

All three work together in an amazing unity of each other. They love each other and honor each other and serve each other. Isn't that what you do in your marriage? Or at least try to. God made the relationship of marriage a very special unity to which is still quite the mystery. Its very unique as no other being have this type of unity. It is such that the Lord compares his love for the church to a marriage. The church is the bride and Christ is the bridegroom. He has given Himself up to her and like marriage they love and honor each other.

So again what's this have to do with your marriage, well it means that you should love and honor one another like Christ does the church or be in unity of one another such as the Trinity. We have to honor our husbands and wives and in lots of times I don't think we all do this. So many women have been taught to live very independently and to think for themselves. To honor and obey your husband? Ha, yeah right! I won't obey anyone is what most women nowadays think. But if you truly try to live your life in Christ then you should be obeying your husband. We all obey Christ and the Lord right? So why can't we give the same kind of respect to our loved ones? This chapter and dare was quite confusing but to just sit and think about it, it starts to make some sense.

I should be honoring and loving and obeying my husband more. I do this as much as I think about it, but that's the problem. I think about it. Why isn't it habit for me when it should be? I need to work harder at this and with time I'm sure it will become habit. I'm not sure there is a division in my marriage unless of course I'm just not seeing it. This is something I will have to pray about. I've always thought I've had a wonderful unity with my husband but maybe I don't have as strong of one as I'd like. Prayer is going to be a very useful thing during this dare. I've tried to rid the poison in my marriage and maybe its still hiding its ugly head. Only prayer will help to see this one. Only God can make me see if there is something I need to change to help the unity of my marriage.

So should you be praying tonight to help in the unity of your relationship? What poison is in your relationship right now that's preventing the kind of unity you should have between man and wife? I challenge you to pray about it and see what answer God gives you. I will be.

My Lent Challenge

2009-04-13T12:19:00.003-04:00

Well now that Lent is over and I look back at my challenge I had some very rough days and some very easy days. I've realized that as I may not be able to change my spending habits with physical money I can change my spending habits with how I treat the Lord in my life. I have learned that while I can spend my life in sin that I can also spend my eternity in hell. I've learned that this challenge wasn't really about the money at all. This challenge wasn't what I thought it was. I started off with it being about money, but as I became closer in my walk with the Lord I realized that my challenge changed somewhere along the way to what He wanted it to be. He changed my thinking. Did I curb my need to spend money? Yes, I did, I think about my purchases a little bit deeper now but but I also curbed my need for sinful things. I have realized that all that "fun" stuff isn't really a need at all, its a want. I don't need those things in my life to realize what the truly fun stuff is. The Lord has provided me in ways I never thought imaginable and I know he will continue to provide for me. I have fallen many times and yet I'm still walking unharmed. The greatest poem comes to my mind when I begin to think about this past 40 days.

One night I had a dream--
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord
and across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints,
one belonged to me and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest
and saddest times in my life.
This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you would walk with me all the way,
but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
"I don't understand why in times when I needed you most,
you should leave me."
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child,
I love you and I would never, never leave you
during your times of trial and suffering.
"When you saw only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

So as I continue to live my life walking with Jesus I know he will continue to work in my life. He changed my challenge to what He needed and wanted me to see. It started off about money and it ended understanding Him better. Its turned out to be a pretty incredible Easter Season.

Sick...

2009-04-08T21:50:00.001-04:00

I'm not feeling well today, and I have a very busy weekend so with that said I probably won't be on here to post anything for a few days. I will try if I get time, though! You can always email me if you have a question or comment! Love you all, lets hope I get to feeling better before Easter!

Love Makes Sacrifices

2009-04-03T18:47:00.004-04:00

When I started to think about this one, I thought to myself that isn't that what marriage is all about? Commitment, sacrifice and compromise? Well once again to my surprise, as I read the pages of the Love Dare, it was a little bit more involved. Yes, love means that you make sacrifices for your loved one but are you making the right sacrifices or are you only making them when it fits your needs?

Most of us without realizing it only make sacrifices for our spouse when it suits our needs. And sometimes we make so many sacrifices for our spouse we forget about ourselves. As we approach Palm Sunday, and we begin to think about the biggest sacrifice anyone has ever made for any of us we cannot forget that we must also sacrifice in order to love. "He laid down His life for us. We should also lay down our lives for our brother." (1 John 3:16)

Life is difficult but its difficult for everyone just not ourselves. But for whatever the reason we only realize that life is hard when its being hard on us, not on everyone else. We are in some very economically difficult times and life is being hard on all of us. Whether its our spouse losing his/her job or hours being cut or even a tragedy (whatever that may be), it is all hard. But are we forgetting that this not only affects you but it is affecting your spouse. Whether he/she says that it is bothering them, it is. So that means there is a need that needs to be met. Are we willing to sacrifice some time and love and support to fulfill the needs of others (including our spouse)?

I know I haven't been the best at this. Especially in the past few months. I was really bad at meeting my husbands needs when I had my two miscarriages a few years back as well. I was in my own tragedy and wallowing in my own hardships of life. I totally forgot about my husband and his needs. And even today I forget about his needs when life is throwing me lemons. Per say when the kids are getting on my nerves or the bills aren't working out, or I don't have what I need for supper. It all adds up and it becomes very easy for me to forget about my husbands needs. I get too wrapped up in my own little world that he gets thrown by the wayside. I now have learned that I need to start saying "no" to my needs sometimes and saying "yes" to something my husband needs. "For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me" (Matthew 25:35-36) So as I close this post, I have decided that I need to find something that my husband is in need of and meet that need. I challenge you to do the same. What is it your spouse has been needing lately? Is it a good home cooked meal, is it the gift of yourself in the bedroom, or is it just sitting down and giving them your full undivided attention? Jesus did it for us and gave us the grace to give it to others. Isn't it time?

Love Encourages

2009-04-02T13:31:00.002-04:00

Now my first thoughts on this were, "Of course love encourages." But once I read what the dare had to say I realized that not always do every one of us do this in our marriage on a daily basis. I know I don't. I know there are lots of days where I expect certain things of my husband and when he doesn't reach that expectation I get very upset. But are my expectations too high?

"How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye" (Matthew 7:4-5)

Looking back I've come to realize that there is a tree sticking out of my eye and how can I be so critical towards my husband who is doing what he can? Does he forget stuff? Well yeah. He's human, who doesn't? I set my expectations of him so high that people actually think I'm controlling him when they see us from the outside. I don't want that type of image. How horrible of me to expect my husband to live to my expectations. The bad part is when he doesn't live to those expectations, I feel hurt and disappointed. How unfair of me.

I need to give my husband room. To expect him to screw up and to forget. Sounds funny doesn't it? But, its the truth. If I don't put so many expectations on him and set the bar so high I won't be so disappointed when he doesn't meet them. Now, I'm not saying that I should set him up for failure but I need to remember that he's human. We, as humans, are not by any means perfect; and, for me to expect my husband to be perfect is unrealistic.

"Encourage the exhausted, and strengthen the feeble" (Isaiah 35:3) I should be encouraging my husband to do better and give him the strength he needs when he needs it. My husband has never really said that I have beat him down but he has said in the past that he has felt like he's had to walk on egg shells around me. That's not encouragement that's setting up for more disappointment.

I'm sure if I were to talk to my husband he would tell you that when he goes off to do something that I expect him home at a decent hour. Well sometimes that decent hour is only like 2-3 hours after he has started something. But when it comes to hunting and fishing, that's unrealistic. So today instead of him telling me about something in the past that has caused him to feel pressured I just let him go fishing today with no real "time" to be home. I figured that would be the best showing of my love and commitment to make him feel appreciated more than anything. Yeah I could talk to him, but why bring up old demons? Why not just start fresh and show him that he doesn't need to walk on egg shells around me. He does it for me. When I'm off to go somewhere he says "whenever you get home you get home babe". I should be doing the same for him. Today is the day I will do this. And consciously continue do this every day hereafter.

Love Forgives

2009-03-30T16:07:00.002-04:00

Well isn't this a profound statement- love forgives. Hmm, as I contemplate this for a minute I realize that its not so easy to just forgive someone. Even if its your spouse you need to forgive or someone else its not easy. People hurt you in all kinds of ways and for most you may never get an apology but does that mean we can forgive? As a human being that can be one of the most difficult internal struggles one can have. Regardless of how faithful of a person you are its still very difficult to do. I've learned to forgive a long time ago, or have I?

I have learned to forgive just about everyone around me except my own family. I carry the burden everyday of things and wrongs that have been done to me by my own family. My spouse especially, why is it so hard to forgive him? The one that I stated under God that I would love and cherish and spend my life with. I choose to love him but can I forgive him? Not that things he has done is so horribly wrong that I shouldn't be with him but little things like him minding his tongue. Or not doing something that I asked him to do that has now made me turn around and be even 10 minutes later because I now have to do it. All those little things that are not so much a nuisance but stuff that actually hurt me. All those times I told him not to worry about it when I was torn inside. I need to forgive. Its time to let it go. He knows what those things are because he's apologized for them over and over but that doesn't truly mean that I've forgiven him. But today is the day that I do.

And what about my children? Do I need to forgive them when most of the time they don't even realize what they are saying is hurtful? I don't know, for this concept I have not figured out yet.

And what about everyone else in my life or previous that has hurt me in some way. I have forgiven all of them except for one. I'm not really sure why I cannot forgive this person. I have found it very difficult to actually forgive and I've been carrying this burden for almost 5 years now. That's a very long time. Can I actually ever look at her and think "I feel sorry for you". I need to though. For the sake of myself and my marriage I need to. This person has been brought up many times in conversation and in fights and she's truly not worth it. Today is the day I need to forgive her as well. Maybe I'll feel better and maybe just maybe I'll be able to stand being in the same building as her.

I have released myself and everyone else from my prison of hatred and unforgiveness. Jesus has handed me the key and I have accepted it. No more will I have this deep pit of darkness in my heart. I've seen the light and unlocked the door. Freedom is a wonderful thing.

"What I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, I did it for your sakes in the presence of Christ." 2 Corinthians 2:10

Love vs Lust

2009-03-29T21:31:00.002-04:00

What is this really? Haven't we all questioned what the difference between these things are? Its taken me a very long time to figure out the difference but I have. Lust gives you satisfaction now, only now, and regret later. Lust is that something or someone you want now to make you happy. Well on that thought, isn't the whole world full of lust? Buy this now, your life will be better. Eat this, you'll lose weight. Use this and you'll save money. All these things are essentially a form of lust since it is instant gratification because once you get these things doesn't the happiness wear off pretty fast? The Bible states "But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction" (1 Timothy 6:9) Isn't that so true? Don't we fall to ruin and destruction by falling to the temptation of lust?

I've thought long and hard about the things I have been lustful over. And lately I don't feel I have been lustful over anything. I have given up many things before starting this journey. The dare states that we need to be content. "We have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either" (1 Timothy 6:7) Once I realized the things I were doing were in a lustful manner and causing problems in my marriage, I quit. Another lustful thing I was doing was the absolute want for more money. I was working because I thought I had to work so we always had money, failing to realize that God will provide what I need. Once I stopped working and started to stay home with my children I realized that, that's where I needed to be and where I was suppose to be all along. We have not had any money problems since I stopped working. Amazing what the Lord will do for you when you let Him.

Love is the way we should all be heading. As my pastor once said, lust and the evil of the world is all the fun stuff. And everyone wants to have fun, but at what cost? The greatest love anyone could have is the love He has for us. If we could all learn to just be content with what we have and to love and cherish what we have, He will provide. In Matthew 6:25-33 it explains that Jesus promised that all of His children will always be provided with two basic things-food and clothing. Besides family isn't that all we really need? It could be considered lustful to want that bigger better car or that bigger more expensive house. I've come to realize and feel blessed that me and my family have a roof over our head and there's always food on the table. I've learned to be content.

Lust is the best this world has to offer, but love offers you the best life in the world.- authors of the Love Dare

Friendship

2009-03-28T21:03:00.002-04:00

Some people come into your life and you wonder why they are there. Then there are those that come in and out of your life, almost like seasons. Often times you wonder what happens to them in the meantime and then all of a sudden they reappear again. Those friends that you have for only a little while typically mean something to you at that moment. But what about the friends you grew up practically living together and then all of a sudden out of a moment of immaturity they are gone? Then in some seemingly unrelated area you find them again and it seems like some things never really change. Or at least as it seems. You try to become friends again and although it doesn't seem like they have changed as a person, maybe you have. You realize the friendship isn't what it once was and although you'd like it to be, it isn't. Try as you may, it'll never be the same. But with this new found friendship maybe it can grow from being the tiny flower that turned to weed into a beautiful array of flowers you never dreamed of. If, of course, they are willing.

Friends are friends forever, if the Lord is the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never, cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands I know
That a lifetime's not too long... to live as friends.

Those who live in the Lord never see each other for the last time.

Half way through the Love Dare

2009-03-24T20:49:00.002-04:00

Over the past few weeks I have learned how to be better with my husband. How to understand him better just by changing the way I treat him. I've learned to respect him more in what he does and understand that no one is perfect. Some of the dares were quite difficult for me but I managed to make it through. And although I may not have finished some of the dares in one day I still managed to stay on track and finish them. I am now on day 21 and I couldn't feel better about what I am doing and why. I have learned that love is a choice not always a feeling and that true unconditional love is not feasible in my heart without the Lord. "With Him all things are possible"

I've also learned that prayer is a powerful thing. I've learned to pray not only for myself and others but for my husband. I've learned to let things go and how to be a better housewife. My relationship with God has progressively gotten better and although I'm still working on it I know He is patient with me and He still loves me regardless. I have truly accepted that Christ died on the cross for MY sins and it means more to me now than just a symbol.

I've started to read my Bible more and have made it a daily thing to refer to it and to pray. I'm slowly getting my children more involved and with more time and prayer hopefully my husband will be more on board as well. I am so thankful for everything and everyone in my life and even those that I may not know personally but who are getting to know me through this blog. So as the days continue with the Love Dare I hope to keep enlightening anyone who reads this. I know my Pastor was enlightened when I spoke to him about it and we may even start a couples Love Dare study at our church. The Lord is starting to work through me and I am forever going to try to live the way God intends me to live.

My Baby's turning 2!

2009-03-19T18:30:00.002-04:00

On the eve of my youngest son turning two I feel sad. I know they all grow up but it just seems that they grow way too fast! He's getting so big and he's talking so much more.

He's so smart and he absolutely loves spongebob. I can safely say that I loathe spongebob and honestly cannot stand his stupid laugh. But it makes my baby happy and although it has no educational value it keeps him quiet long enough for me to get stuff done around the house.

He still has teeth coming in and for the last two nights he has actually slept in his own bed. We have been putting him to bed later in the evening after giving him some Motrin and he is sleeping in his own bed. It's so nice to sleep without a child between me and my husband. We were able to talk last night without trying to get a little one to settle down and realize that its bed time not play time.

So at this time of my youngest turning two, I say Happy Happy Birthday, and I wish he would stay little forever! On to potty training!!

Fallen slightly behind on Love Dare

2009-03-18T21:24:00.002-04:00

I have fallen slightly behind on the Love Dare and I'm slowly pushing through it. There was a day here and there that I wasn't able to accomplish the dare that day and I had to cleverly figure out a way that would fit my life. I did do this with the few that I was having trouble completing.

For example, the most recent dare was to basically get a doctorate degree on my husband. It said to make a special dinner and determine to solely concentrate on learning about my husband. Well, with two young children, no willing babysitters, and really no time to do this I had to be clever and figure out a way to accomplish this without making him dinner. So I have determined after much thought that I do this with him almost every night (when Brayden cooperates). We took the TV out of the bedroom years ago for this sole purpose, to talk. Due to the TV being gone we have been able to discuss very important topics at night right before going to bed. Plus, it gives us the opportunity to really talk about our day without being interrupted (again if Brayden cooperates). Sometimes it makes for a really long night, but its worth it when I get the opportunity to actually talk to my husband instead of talking to him over children. That in itself has really changed our relationship and we have vowed never to bring the TV back into our bedroom. So if I had to judge myself on what degree I think I have on my husband I would have to say at least some college. Maybe an associates pushing for a bachelors. He'll probably tell you I know him better than he knows him! So I'm thinking that's a good thing.

Another one of the dares, was to pray for my husband. And honestly I never really thought about this one before. I pray for everyone else around me except my husband! So I prayed for him last night. I prayed for the Lord to touch his heart and his hands. To give him courage and compassion where he needs it. I'm going to continue to pray for my husband and also my children, that the Lord will touch them and continue to work in their lives. And also for myself, to give me the strength and guidance to lead my children in the right direction.

Need to get more sleep...

2009-03-18T21:18:00.002-04:00

My two year old is battling with having 8 teeth, yes that's right 8 teeth, come in all at the same time. So with him in that much pain, he doesn't want to sleep. On really bad nights I end up sleeping on the couch with him while the tv is on just so he doesn't scream his little head off and wake up the whole building! I give him Tylenol every night and it doesn't unfortunately always work. Most nights if we lay him down at 8:00 PM he's up at midnight and he stays up until almost 4 AM sometimes later. So, for the last probably week I've been running on empty and sleep deprivation. Not a really good combination.

I will, however, say that last night he did sleep through the night and in his own bed. But, yet again unfortunately, we had to give up our evenings together to let him stay up longer so he does do that. Currently, at 9:21 PM he is still awake and although I'm getting ready to lay him down shortly I'm praying that he stays in bed without a big fuss. He seems so full of energy but I'm hoping that he just zonks out.

I have a problem

2009-03-13T13:39:00.002-04:00

I have a problem with people who think just because I have my son in preschool 5 days a week all day that I'm depriving him of something. Why is that? My son loves to go to school and the only reason we put him in preschool was for the social interaction. This is not a glorified daycare because if I thought it was I would have never put him into the program. He was intellectually ready for school and to say that I'm basically depriving him of a childhood is blasphemy. Or to say that I put him there everyday because its better than saying he is in daycare is preposterous. My son (not to brag) is probably one of the smartest kids in the class and he learns something new everyday. They were able to teach him how to write his name, which I don't have the patience of sitting down with him to do. And furthermore, kindergarten isn't what it used to be. These teachers expect way more out of these kids than what I feel I can teach at home. So he goes everyday? So what?! If he honestly didn't want to be there or I felt it was too much for him to handle I would have never put him into it. I, however, do not believe a 3 year old needs to be in school. That's just crazy and a place for parents to stick their kids for the day. My DS didn't go until he was 4 and if it wouldn't have been for his birthday he would have been in Kindergarten already. So don't judge me because my son's in Pre-K, ALL DAY EVERY DAY!

Spring Cleaning

2009-03-13T12:47:00.002-04:00

With spring fast approaching I have felt the need to clean my house thoroughly. I have the need to de-clutter and get behind my stove and really clean. I clean my house everyday but it never truly feels clean to me. I feel like there are things hidden that I need to address. So here is a website that may help. It gives a great run-down of what to clean and how to clean it. And it gives a time line as to how long it may take. Just what I need, a time line!

Love lets others win, fights fair and takes delight

2009-03-10T23:21:00.002-04:00

Its been a busy couple of days with my grandmother being in the hospital from open heart surgery and my dear husband working, and church activities. I have fallen behind on my love dare on here. I have been doing it everyday though.

Love lets others win, well this can be taken in a few different ways. But as far as my husband goes I need to learn to let it go and let him decide sometimes too. Usually its always me making the decision and for whatever reason my husband has been labeled whipped. I didn't even realize that I took this much advantage of my husband. My sister even told me the other day while we were out that it is obvious that I take advantage and my husband obliges. He told me the other day that he has had to stick up for me quite a few times. This is not good. He is his own person and is able to make decisions just as well as I can. This dare showed me that I need to just let him win sometimes and do something of his preference instead of something of mine all the time.

Yesterdays dare was talking about fighting fair. My husband and I have learned over time how to do this, but we never actually had any "rules" to go by. Today we made a list of fighting rules. These aren't going to be something that we have posted in our house but it is like unwritten rules that we are both aware of. For example, we have decided to not fight in front of anyone, kids included. Its nobody's business about what we fight about or our personal issues so why fight and belittle in front of others. Save it for at home. And chances are by time you get home you'll be calmed down enough to actually talk about it. So simple things like that is what we have decided on. We'll see how it works out.

And today's dare I'm not sure I'll be able to accomplish today. I basically have to give up doing something to spend quality time with my husband. The thing is, we spend quality time with each other when we have the opportunity. We have our things that we do in the evening and I don't think that is going to change. My husband knows I cherish him and I enjoy spending time with him. But while I'm on the computer, it gives him the chance to watch what he wants on TV which he doesn't get to do if I'm sitting with him. So I think we accomplish this in our own way and I don't have to stop doing something just to show him that. He knows already.

Love Cherishes

2009-03-07T17:01:00.004-05:00

As I am having a horrible Saturday, regardless of how nice and warm it is, I notice my Love Dare book sitting next to my coffee. As if someone purposely placed it there for me to see. I think to myself "I wonder what my dare will be for the day." But, my Saturday just started off horrible when I woke up to my children terrorizing my house and found something I loved broken into pieces. So there was no time to read it early in the day as I usually do. My oldest lied about the broken pieces (as usual) and my youngest looked dumbfounded. And of course I did the one thing I probably shouldn't have done and that was call my husband and start whining and complaining. As if he needed to hear that while he was at work. Working his butt off trying to support me and our children. Why do I say all this, well a) because I have been having a horrible day and b) because when I finally had time to read my dare it made me realize how badly I need to cherish my children. To not just get annoyed with them and get mad at them when they think they have accomplished something even though I think it is insignificant. I need to truly cherish everything they do and if its a win for them it should be a win for me.

Yesterday's dare I think coincides with today for the dare was asking me to somewhat do the same thing today as yesterday. This is what I finished for my husband today as part of finishing my dare from yesterday.

He absolutely loved it when he seen it and stated how much it meant to him that I did that for him and put it on our wall. I'm glad to do it for him and I loved taking the time to go through some of the pictures I have and to showcase how great of a dad I really think he is. Yesterday I had to show the choice that I made to love my husband and I couldn't think of a better way than to make this frame for him. Today I have to figure out a need that my husband could have met. I have some things in mind once he gets home. These last few dares have seemed fairly easy for me, it just took some extra thought. And the great thing is, I have yet to buy something! I got the frame for free and everything on the frame I already had somewhere in my scrapbooking stuff! And I think it's better than other things I may have been able to do that would have cost money.

Prayers for my Grandmother

2009-03-06T22:04:00.000-05:00

To all those who were saying a prayer for my grandmother. Thank you!

She made it through the surgery without any complications and they took her off the vent late this evening. She's more comfortable without the vent but still in a lot of pain. So please continue to pray for her and a speedy recovery!

Thanks to all of you again for you prayers!

I have figured out my money plan for the month...

2009-03-06T21:51:00.002-05:00

I hate the word budget but for the sake of being tired and lack of words coming to my brain right now its the best thing I can come up with. :-)

Anyway, I just got most of my bill statements for the month and through all of my hard work over the past few weeks my bills were actually lower! I couldn't believe it and my husband was quite proud of me for doing it. I have also been doing really well with not spending money over the last few days. It has been challenging to say the least and I have been tempted more and more but I have held strong. I keep seeing great deals for stuff I would "like" to have but none of it is an absolute must right now. We will be opening an American Dream savings account here very shortly in the future and although the interest rate won't be very high its a very good start into an emergency fund. I have done some research and have read that most of the gurus out there are stating you should put your debt on the back burner for right now (pay only what you must towards your debt, and don't accumulate more) and put money into an emergency fund. It is estimated that if you lose your job, it could be 8 months or more before you find another one! That's huge! And a lot of mulah! Any amount saved is a good thing, but 8 months! I'm glad we are getting started. That's over $11,000 for us! Man that's a good used car! LOL

We are also looking into starting a savings account for Zaine. Our bank has a program that will help to teach him early about the need for saving money and even give him financial worksheets and monthly statements so he can see how his money has grown. We are pretty excited about that for him. And the best part is the bank will put $5 into his savings account upon opening it. Hey, its not much but to a kid, $5 bucks is a lot!!

Well, I'm off to try and save more money. I have found a load more coupons and I plan on trying to cut my grocery bill in half. I will keep you posted on how I'm doing with that and any tips I can pass on. Right now, the only tip I have is to go to www.frugalcouponmom.com She has some great tips and sites to get coupons from. Remember, don't search for the coupons, let them come to you!

Agape Love

2009-03-06T21:40:00.002-05:00

Do you know what this means? The Bible speaks of agape love, or unconditional love. "We love, because He first loved us" 1 John 4:19 Love is a choice. We choose to love someone and we choose not to love someone. If you have an agape love, this is completely unconditionally true love. This type of love is not based on feelings or circumstances. Agape love is based on commitment. There are a few other types of love that are also mentioned like phileo or eros love. Or in english, friendship and sexual love. This dare stated that if your marriage is based on this kind of love, it will ultimately fail, for this is a choice of love. There needs to be a commitment and choice.

This concept is monumental for me. I never knew of agape love. I always thought love just happened and that it was just a feeling. After reading this dare and beginning to fully understand agape love I now understand that it is an unconditional love of choice. And before I can have an agape love for my husband I have to have an agape love for the Lord. For this kind of agape love cannot come from within, it can only come from Him. I've learned that I have to base my relationship on an unwavering commitment to each other, not just because. I should be saying "I love you, period" not "I love you because...". I challenge all of you to learn and find this agape love. I'm still learning but thus far it is the most wonderful kind of love I could ever make the choice to have.

Love makes good Impressions

2009-03-05T20:13:00.002-05:00

This dare was all about how you greet your spouse. This one was 50/50 for me. Sometimes I greet my husband very sweetly and other times I don't. I made sure to concentrate on this one this morning. I greeted my husband with a good morning and a smile, instead of a grunt and whine for my coffee. I think it made my husband feel good and set the tone for the day. We had a great day today and even went and played with the kids outside.

On a different note: My grandmother is going in for open heart surgery and we are praying she pulls through it. Thank you in advance for any additional prayers.

Yesterday and Today's Love Dare combined

2009-03-04T21:27:00.002-05:00

I didn't get the chance to post yesterday and this is late for today but here it is.

Yesterday's dare was about the two rooms of your heart, the Appreciation room and the Depreciation room. Basically how the heart typically stays in the Depreciation room and that's where divorce is harbored. The dare was to write out two lists. One for the depreciation room and the other in the appreciation room and set the lists aside. The basis of the dare was to get out of the depreciation room and basically lock the door behind you. I did this.

Today's dare was based on jealousy and how it basically is a poison among us, a disease. People become envious of one another and we especially become envious of our spouses. The dare was to take the depreciation list and burn it. When I did this, mind you it was in my kitchen at the sink, it was actually kind of liberating. I was able to just let stuff go that bothered me about my husband. And its not like the stuff on the list was all that much or maybe even that important but it was stuff that bothered me. While I watched that list go up in smoke (and stink up my kitchen) I thought to myself "why on earth was I harboring all of this?". Since I burnt the list, I haven't thought about anything that was on it. I couldn't even tell you what was on that list anymore, its like the Lord erased it from my mind completely. And good thing too, because I didn't want to hold it anymore. I didn't want to feel envious or jealous or upset with my loving husband anymore. I had to let it go. I was calmer today. Calmer with my children and not short with my husband (who worked 16 hours today). Calmer with myself. I know now that I can just let it go. That I can hand it up to the Lord and let it go. He will help me to let it go. For this, I thank Him.

Love is not irritable

2009-03-02T19:14:00.002-05:00

I've struggled with this one today. Not because of the meaning but because of what the dare actually states. That I need to make a list, a list of what? What decisions did I make today? The only decision I made today was not to flip out because I forgot about a commitment my husband made to a friend that I told him to make. I'll have to admit I usually am much more irritable when my husband is home only because I feel he's in my way. Today I let that go, and I allowed him to just do his thing. I let him help me when I was doing something instead of yelling at him to just go away. I've actually been a little more calm with the kids too. I understand what the dare is asking but in the terms its asking me. To me the dare reads to not be irritable and to rid your life of things that make you that way. To be honest, my husband and I have slowly done this over the past year or so.

Take grocery shopping for example, we used to get into such conflicts in the store because I would want to hurry up and he was him hawing around. So we would fight and argue right in the store. Our solution? For me to do the grocery shopping alone. We also have an understanding of when we get ready to leave to go somewhere. I will generally pick out the kids' clothes and he will get them dressed so I can finish getting myself ready in peace. Or when we travel, he knows not to get in my way of packing or I'll feel like I forgot something. As far as weekly things that I think or feel need to change, I don't have any. Its taken us a while but I think the system we have now works and why fix something that is not broke?

We do have bad days and on those days my motivations are very selfish, these will be the days I will have to work on, individually. The only place that we could add margin would be to Shawn's 16 hour days, but that's difficult since that's his work schedule. That is my most stressful day, and typically its taken out on him. I know I shouldn't and it apparently is done for selfish reasons. Something else I obviously need to work on.

Love Dare Day #5

2009-03-01T16:19:00.002-05:00

Well its day 5 of the Love Dare and I am trying very hard to change the way I think and speak to my husband. In the last few days, I have been kinder to my husband and showed him in little ways that I love him and that I'm thinking about him. Today, I told him to go help a friend move and I'll stay with the kids. He was reluctant that I would flip out or that he would be taking away time from me and the kids. I insisted he go and not worry about it. The only thing I asked was that he was home in time to eat supper and go to the going away party with us tonight. He happily obliged.

The dare today states "He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him. -Proverbs 27:14". It took me some time to reflect on this and really understand what it was saying. I've come to realize that its talking about how we speak to others. Hold on, Brady wants me to read to him.

Ok I'm back. Now to retrack my thoughts...where was I? Oh I remember, I've realized how I speak to my husband sometimes and its not exactly what you would consider nice. This chapter asked some rhetorical questions again but my answers really got me thinking.

How does your spouse feel about the way you speak and act around them? Most of the time, I think I'm ok but I have my moments where I truly treat him as one of my children. I guess I never really thought about it, but I'm sure it doesn't make him feel good. Probably makes him feel like less of a man.
How does your behavior affect your mate's sense of worth and self-esteem? Like I said, probably makes him feel like less of a man. Like he can't take care of me or isn't responsible and that's not the case at all.
Would your husband or wife say you're a blessing, or that you're condescending and embarrassing? Unless we are in public he would say I'm a blessing but I can be very condescending and embarrasing when in public.

He has brought the whole public thing up to me before and even though I have been working on it I'm not sure how well its been. I don't even really notice that I say it or do it until he gets mad or frustrated with me. Then I realize, but I never apologize for it. I always have a way of validating why I acted in such a way. This is isn't right and I know now that I need to fix this and revert back to day one of the dare and bite my tongue. Mother always said if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. Unfortunately, I have not lived this way. I have to say I've probably taken advantage of my husband being around. Today's dare has really made me think and although I haven't gotten the rest of Shawn's responses to the question I asked him earlier, I'm sure there will be more that I need to work on.

Out of this dare thus far, its really brought back the communication between my husband and I. I mean we've always talked but not really communicated. We talk about the day or the future or the kids. We don't talk about ourselves or what hurt us that day or how we feel anymore. This book is bringing that back. I feel grateful.

My Lent challenge and Love Dare for today...

2009-02-27T12:33:00.001-05:00

Well, today is my actual first day on my Lent challenge and my worship of the Lord. I know its late but it took me a while to figure out what I wanted to do to make sure it was being done the way it was intended. Today is what you could consider a no spending day. Today is actually kind of easy since my husband is at work for 12 hours and I generally never go anywhere when he's at work. Its too difficult with a little one, sometimes two once Zaine gets home. Plus, it generally gives me a chance to catch up on housework and such that I wasn't able to get done with everyone home. So today is a good day with no spending.

I read the third day of the love dare. It posed some questions that were meant to question my selfishness. It said you cannot truly love your spouse while being selfish. I'm going to post the questions and my answers here.

Do I truly want what’s best for my husband or wife? I most certainly do want the best for my dear hubby. I'm always trying to do by him, and get what he needs instead of myself. He's always saying not to worry about him and do for myself, but I'm always thinking about him or worried about him. And I'm always pushing him to better himself in every way.
Do I want them to feel loved by me? I always want my husband to feel loved by me. I know some days are rougher than others and I know I could probably be better at this. I may have some work to do! :-)
Do they believe that I have their best interests in mind? I believe my hubby thinks I have his best interest in mind with everything I do. I'm always asking him if its ok with him, or if he thinks its a smart move. For example, when he was "losing" what he thought was a good friend of his I stood up to him and said "do you really think its a big loss for what he's done to you?" He eventually quit talking to this "friend".
Do they see me as looking out for myself first, or them first? Oh this is easy if you listen to my husband. He's always saying I put myself last in everything in our life. He actually wishes I would put myself first sometimes.

The dare itself will be kind of challenging for me today as I don't want to spend any money but I want to show my husband that I was thinking about him today. I'm sure I will figure something out and I have a few ideas that won't cost me anything. I have to remember my intentions for not spending any money but show my husband at the same time how I care for him and that I was thinking of him.

What have you given up for Lent?

2009-02-26T14:50:00.002-05:00

I have contemplated this for quite some time now trying to figure out what I can give up for Lent and still keep the meaning behind the reason instead of treating it like a resolution. As a SAHM I don't have a lot of vices that I do anymore like soda, sweets, and such. So I have decided to give myself a no spending challenge. What I mean by that is to not frivolously spend my money these next 40 days. I will still continue to buy food and household needs but I will start to question my motives behind spending money. Is it a need or a want?

I want to teach myself to be happy with what I have and hopefully teach my family the same. There are many free resources out there to do things and have things. Like music for example, AOL has free radio that you can play. And its the newest music out today. I have a free DVD rental left from RedBox so we will use that if we are looking to rent a movie. There are plenty of trails and parks around for when it becomes warmer that I can take my children to and have fun at without spending money. We will make our gas last as long as possible since my husband does not have far to drive to work and even when it starts to get nice he may actually be able to walk to work. Free gym workout and no gas. I will post my progress with this challenge as much as I can. I'm sure I will folly once or twice but its the idea behind why I'm doing this. I'm sure it will be a difficult challenge but I think I'm up for it.

"And Jesus said unto them ... , "If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to younder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible to you."
Romans 1:17

"Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."
Proverbs 16:3

Hebrews 13:5
Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have.

Looking deeply at my marriage

2009-02-24T18:25:00.003-05:00

It's been quite some time since I have seriously looked at how my marriage is. I'm not insinuating that something is wrong in my marriage because there isn't. I'm just saying, I have, in the past few days re-evaluated my marriage. I have in the past failed my husband as a wife and although we have moved passed that and he has forgiven me, I still feel like I could do more.

With that thought in mind I set out to make my marriage better. On a forum I belong to I heard about the movie Fireproof. So I sent my husband out to find it (the weather wasn't great). He found it at Wal-mart and bought it. I have to say it was the best movie I have seen and really made me realize a lot of things about my marriage and about myself and about my relationship with the Lord. My next step, since the movie is based around it, is get the book that was mentioned.

The Love Dare, is the book that was used during the movie. I hope to get this book and do the 40 day challenge and maybe make my marriage better in the process. We have had our ups and our downs in the short 4 1/2 years we've been married and I'm now forever looking for ways to make our marriage better and stronger. Give us the real foundation needed for a lasting marriage.

One other thing that we have been looking at going to to help us out on this journey is by going to a conference in the end of October. Actually shortly after our 5 year anniversary. The conference is called "A weekend to Remember" (www.familylife.com) and its all about how to live your marriage through the Lord. We are looking forward to the information we may gain from this 3 day conference and it will be a nice mini vacation from the kids too. So I challenge all of you, what did you do for your marriage today?

My new space saving love!

2009-02-20T11:49:00.004-05:00

Ok so I fell for the tv ads and went online and bought myself the space bags. You get 7 bags for 20 bucks and I have to say I LOVE them!!! My hall closet has so much more room and my bathroom closet? Oh my goodness!! I would recommend them to anyone that is need of more space but doesn't want to get rid of anything they have! I'm so excited about them!!

Look at the before and afters of my bathroom closet!!

Before!

After!

Update on Zaine

2009-02-19T19:56:00.003-05:00

I have to say since I've spoken to my son's teacher and we started a "how was my day" book, he's doing marvelous in school! He brings home little pieces of paper all the time saying how he was "caught" being nice to someone. There is nothing but good reports in the book all the time. And he's being nice to the girls. He also has a little sticker collection started from all the stickers he gets for being good!

The problem? He's not being so good at home. And its not just not being good, he's on the verge of being a total heathen! Regardless of what I write in the book he doesn't seem to care. He only seems to care about what his teacher writes. I just don't get it. He will walk in the door from having a great day at school and within 30 seconds he's on Brady's case, either picking on him or fighting with him. I'm so exhausted just from yelling at him and constantly disciplining him to no avail.

I have tried responsibility charts, time outs, spanking, taking stuff away, killing him with kindness, rewarding every nice thing he does and nothing works! Oi vey, its exhausting just typing everything I've done. My husband tries to help when he's home but Zaine doesn't typically listen to him for some reason. It usually takes me getting in his face over something before he'll listen. I think he views his father as the fun one and me as the disciplinarian.

I hate being this way. But what choice do I have? I don't want to blame this on my son but when I'm so exhausted over this whole thing all I really feel like saying is "if you could only be good I wouldn't feel this way". But I know that's not the answer. I guess I'm going to just keep plugging away at it and keep chipping at the block until I get through to him. My biggest worry is kindergarten next year. But maybe with playing two sports it'll get the pent up energy out of him. Maybe its just the winter blahs and he's getting cabin fever from being inside too much. I'll just keep telling myself that! :o)

It's been awhile...a catch up

2009-02-18T14:48:00.003-05:00

Well its been some time since I posted last. Valentine's Day has come and gone and it was wonderful this year. This was the first year my husband and I could actually spend it together. In previous years one of us was always working. I received flowers and we actually were able to go to dinner by ourselves! I know seems trivial but when you haven't been on a date with your own husband in almost 2 years it was pretty exciting. We got my cousin to come over for a few hours to watch the kids and we went to an amazing Italian restaurant in the center of our town. Unless you have children of your own and have been out with them you couldn't understand the blessing it was to have a quiet dinner and be able to have conversations with your own husband without the incessant "Zaine knock it off" or "Brady sit down". It was a very nice evening.

Since then I have jumped back onto the bandwagon and my house has been somewhat clean. At least clean enough for company to be over. It was liberating to start over and try to stick to it again. My in-laws recently came over to give the boys a Valentine's Day card and I actually got a comment from my FIL about how nice the house looked! I was almost floored that he said it. Then to top it off he actually said something to the kids about messing up the house after I cleaned it and made it look so nice! That's the comment that really floored me. He never used to come to the house and make a comment about the house so for him to actually say something nice about the house made me feel good. I mean my husband always says how nice the house looks and how he appreciates what I do but its different when it comes from someone else.

On another note, we hired a new pastor at our church. Our old pastor is looking for full time to support his wife and upcoming child and unfortunately with the size of our church we are unable to do that for him. We did find someone that actually is friends of me and my husband, so we are pretty excited about it as they are. Now I, as church secretary, need to get together with them to get them up to speed. So I'm sure that meeting will fall sometime soon.

I would post some things about the current news but I'm sure everyone has heard about the octomom or the 13 year old boy who fathered a child or about the economic stimulus plan so there's no need for me to put it here. What I do want to say about other blogs is about a woman who is going to provide for her family on $1500 for the year! Now that's interesting! I'm actually going to try to keep up on her blog and maybe pull something from it for my own family. Every little bit helps!!

The wagon can be painful...

2009-02-12T12:19:00.005-05:00

This past week has been very hectic and I, well, fell off the bandwagon. And it hurts!

Once I became a stay at home mom I started to turn my house around by treating my husband like a King and making sure he comes home to a clean house after a long day at work. I have not expected him to help at all unless it was with the kids. My house is my domain now and its my job to keep it up to par. My husband is doing enough by supporting me and my kids and giving me the wonderful opportunity to stay at home.

Needless, to say though, I fell off the bandwagon last week. My husband worked almost 20 hours of overtime and with him not around I for some reason became lazy. The house practically fell apart at the seams with me not doing anything. I've been trying for the past few days to jump back on this bandwagon and I keep missing and hitting the ground. Yesterday was a little more productive as I finally cleaned off the bar and I cleaned the top of the fridge of all its clutter. Today is the kids' room. Joy.

Maybe my schedule needs to be tweaked? I don't know but I do know that I will not be falling off this bandwagon again. My house, kids, and husband suffer and well I do too. No one's happy with a messy house and you all know what they say, "when momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"

Trying to get back on track

2009-02-08T19:53:00.003-05:00

Well it's been a rough week and a slightly rough day. Dear hubby worked 20 hours of overtime this week which left me getting up with Zaine all week and still attempting to deal with the home. I'm still trying to get myself organized and used to being home all the time. I'm never bored and I definitely don't miss work, I just need to get more organized at home.

I had a schedule the first week I really started this and slowly over time I've gotten away from it. I had a to do list every day and somehow I've gotten away from it too. When I had the to do list it seemed like my kick in the butt every day to get it done. It was like it was screaming at me to do this stuff. I'm not feeling overwhelmed yet but I have a feeling if I don't get back on track soon, I will be just as soon!

Zaine is starting to help out around the house which is great. Brady helps every once in a while if he sees his brother doing it. But yet again, I have to purge the toys and I'm not even sure how they got to be this bad in the living room. My darling husband actually relaxed today which is the first time in, well, I think ever! He's letting me perform my job now, which is nice. I never was one for someone to jump in and do more than my share. It makes me look bad! :o)

Oh, and I got my haircut yesterday! I love it and I feel so much better. I think that's why I'm kicking myself for not being more attentive to my home. I hadn't cut my hair in a very long time, longer than usual, and I felt horrible and lazy. So my darling husband, Shawn, actually threw me money (not that I have to ask for it anyway) and said "go get your haircut hon. I'll watch the kids". So that's just what I did! Its shorter than I usually go but so much easier to take care of. Now to just get it dyed.

I used it!

2009-02-07T14:10:00.003-05:00

Well, I used my homemade laundry detergent today for the first time. It cleaned the clothes really well. Frankly, I'm pretty impressed. I was excited to make it but at the same time I had some doubts. Took me a total of 20 minutes to make the homemade soap and it equals out to be like 2 cents a load. You can't beat it.

On top of that I've also made my own baby wipes which are working fantastically! I couldn't be happier about that. So with the discovery of making my own I'm saving roughly 15-20 bucks a month.

This whole staying at home thing isn't too bad! I'm loving it and all the money I'm actually saving by staying home is a great benefit as well. I also found out today that after my consolidation of my school loans I'm only paying 36 bucks a month! That's much less than I thought I was going to be paying! I'm talking like 70 bucks less! So that's great, too!

I'm taking a lot of pride in my family and my new found better paying job!

I'm feeling better today

2009-02-04T21:35:00.003-05:00

I'm feeling much better today then I did yesterday. Maybe its because I actually got some sleep last night. It helped that my oldest had no school today so I was able to sleep in!

But anyway, finally some excitement for today! I got my washing soda in the mail today and I made the laundry detergent! I'm super excited to try it and see how it works! Plus, I'm recycling an old detergent bottle to keep upstairs on the shelf near the washers and dryers. It was so super easy to make too!

1/3 bar of ivory soap
1/2 cup washing soda
1/2 cup borax
2 gallons of water

Dissolve the grated soap in 6 cups of water. Once dissolved add the washing soda and the borax until its dissolved. Remove from heat and add 4 more cups of water. Pour into a bucket (or in my case a large pot) and mix with 16-22 more cups of water. If mixed with 22 more cups of water it will yield 2 gallons. If mixed with 16 more cups of water it will make just over a gallon.

That's how easy it is! It took me a total of maybe 15 minutes to make! And when you add it all together and figure out price its going to cost me like 2 cents a load!!!!!!! And if you figure out per gallon cost, it is only a little over a buck for the whole gallon! I used to buy a little over a gallon of detergent for 15-18 bucks! What a savings!!!! I'm super excited about it. My next project is fabric softener.

Slightly feeling the stress...

2009-02-03T16:32:00.003-05:00

Well it all started this morning, I woke up and immediately felt exhausted. I have been going to bed really late and then getting up really early. So my thoughts are that it just caught up with me. My diet of cigarettes and coffee is finally catching up with me. I mainly laid on the couch all morning not doing a single thing. Now I feel like I should be fired from my job because I didn't keep up my end of the bargain. My house is not clean and the dishwasher isn't unloaded. I didn't get quarters yesterday so my laundry is now behind.

I feel worthless and lonely.

I don't feel lonely because I have a bad husband. I have a wonderful husband, I feel lonely because I haven't fulfilled what I am suppose to fulfill.

I got my oldest son off to school without any problems but it was early and I felt exhausted. My youngest son got up and I never moved off the couch. I gave him breakfast and back to the couch. Once I got up and started moving, I felt even worse. This house is disgusting me right now, but yet no energy or cooperation from the kids to help. I refuse to let my wonderful, hard-working husband come home and think he is expected to do MY job. I will I'm sure get it all done today but again it will take much perseverance on my part. I now have to go cook dinner and start to get this place straightened out before my husband comes home.

I've found it!

2009-02-02T21:21:00.004-05:00

As I've embarked on the search of making my own cleaning products and clothing detergents I have found it apparently clear just how small of an area I live in. You would think a common laundry booster also known as washing soda would be easy to find. I mean its made by Arm & Hammer so everyone should have it, right? WRONG!

I called and I searched everywhere just to find this stuff. Sometimes people would look at me as if I had six heads. This stuff either isn't that common or its a regional thing. People that I've spoken to about it all live in the south. Apparently, us northerners don't like to save money or make stuff ourselves. Why should we when other people will do it for us. And they said northerners have a good work ethic! Ha!

But as I was saying I finally found the washing soda. In my area? No. I found it online and I was able to find it with free shipping. So no $10 charge for an item that might cost me as much as $6.99. Thanks to the girls on Happy Housewives Club I was able to find it online at www.drugstore.com

Now I will finally be able to provide for my family even more and save even more because once I actually make this laundry detergent, aside from the cost of the washer and dryer, it will only cost me 2 cents a load. Yes, that's what I said 2 CENTS A LOAD! Incredible.

This economy...

2009-01-31T13:34:00.002-05:00

Am I worried about this economy? To be honest, not really. I know this economy is in shambles but I'm doing what I need to do to keep my family on top of things. Why isn't everyone else doing something too?

You can do something to help the economy, stop spending money you don't have! Start supporting your local businesses. Get rid of your luxuries, mostly your credit cards. The government isn't going to bail us out so you have to do it yourself. If people would get themselves out of debt instead of accumulating more this economy wouldn't be in the shambles its in. The banks gave too many people too much money they couldn't afford to pay back.

I don't have credit cards. If I can't afford it I don't buy it. If I don't have cash for it, I don't buy it. Should we go back to the simple life? YES! Mothers should be at home, dads should be working. Quit being stupid people! Only your children are suffering why can't everyone see that. Cut yourself off and live simply. Get rid of your plastic.

Why do Americans think they have to have the best of the best? Why do Americans think the American dream is owning the biggest and the best of everything? So we can prove to our neighbor we are better than them? Come on, what happen to going to your next door neighbor and borrowing a cup of sugar? No we have to go to Wal-mart, in our big SUV's, with our name brand clothes just to buy a pound of it. I'd love to see more 1950's principles, life was good then. We can't blame the government for what we've done to ourselves. Did the government help it along with this war? Sure they did but ultimately no one is to blame but Americans and their greed. Its pathetic.

As a mother of 2

2009-01-30T09:06:00.002-05:00

I don't understand some women and their thinking. I'm a mother of two and would never think of putting my life in danger on purpose just for something else that I want. Now before all of you jump down my throat about things I do everyday that is potentially dangerous, like driving a car, let me just say this- to make a concious choice to put your life in danger with potential dangerous side effects or consequences of a decision is wrong. I know driving a car is dangerous and yes you can be killed but to get PREGNANT on purpose through medical help because you are desperate to have a large family after having so many at home already is wrong.

How can you do that to yourself and your children? I don't care what the circumstances are and how desperate you are, there is no need to put yourself in danger like that! People may feel differently and may feel that I'm wrong but you don't have to like what I say! I think its a selfish act.

Furthermore, where are the hospital policies on this? Shouldn't there be policies on IVF? And what kind of doctor are you really by placing 8 embryos into one woman's uterus knowing what could possibly happen?! Since when is playing God ok? Since when is women having litters of babies ok?

I blame the media for this. If the media wouldn't have played up on shows like Jon and Kate Plus 8 and other such shows people wouldn't be so obsessed with this! I'm sure there are plenty of other moms out there that have two sets of multiples or three sets or more and they don't have a tv show! What is our obsession with woman who have an abnormally high number of babies all at once? Humans weren't built to have litters of babies, if we were we would have more than two breasts!

Don't hate me for my opinion, for that is just what it is. An opinion. Ignorant as some of you may think it may be it is still my opinion, deal with it!

My youngest son-or better known as the baby

2009-01-29T14:44:00.002-05:00

Well my baby is now 22 months old and is everything a terrible toddler should be. He is getting into everything and climbing all over everything. We actually have had to tie our chairs to our dining room table using panty hose because he would push his chair over to our counter and bar and climb on top of it. Talk about scary! Anyway, we've solved that problem and although he is still into everything we've learned to adapt.

He's growing so fast and not so much of my baby anymore. His vocabulary is phenomenal, or at least I think it is for a 22 month old. My oldest didn't much utter two words until he was well over 2 years old. He's trying to say his ABC's and he loves to sing and dance. I guess I need to start watching my mouth! Which, BTW, I am trying to work on anyway! He always has a way of cracking me up every day. What a blessing!

My oldest's progress in school

2009-01-29T14:37:00.002-05:00

As most of you who know me you know the struggle we have been having with our oldest son. He has this need to be perfect and to discipline those around him as if he is the adult. He has screaming tantrums and has quite the little attitude. We have had discussions with his teacher at school about these tantrums since he was having them in school as well. We came up with the idea of a communication book. Every day and night his teacher and I will write how his attitude was during those times. I've also set up a responsibility chart with the reward of an allowance if he earns enough points. In the progress of him we have noticed him to be getting much better at school but kind of wishy washy at home. I'm struggling as a mother to get him to learn respect and quit with his mouth. We have tried practically every disciplinary action known to children and nothing seems to be helping. But, alas, we will push on. The last two weeks have been great and last week he actually earned more than $5. He's well on his way to earning more than $5 this week too, but only time will tell. One of the greatest tools we have come across where we learned about points, allowance and responsibility charts was this great website! Check it out at www.activeallowance.com

Go green with my candles!

2009-01-29T14:18:00.002-05:00

Although I can't mention the name of my candles due to copyright infringement, I can tell you about my candles! I am a distributor for a wonderful candle company that lets me sell gourmet, paraffin and soot free candles. My candles burn longer and cleaner then any other candle on the market. Plus, we have a scent for every nose! With over 90 scents to choose from you are sure to find one that you enjoy! We have many different products including 16 oz candles, votives, hand balm, foam soap pumps, car air fresheners, scent burners and melts. Not to mention our gourmet line of products like pies and cinnamon buns (both hand painted candles!). So anyway, if you are interested in making extra money or you love candles check out my website today!! www.ridgetopcandles.com